Etc. Etc. Etc.

We have a new addition to the family, Brutus - a full blooded Chinese Pug who is the most loving little/fat thing you have ever seen. He was given to us by my sister's friend. He came with a big pet carrier, shampoo, brush, dog bowl, food mat, breath chews, puppy food (the only food he will eat),a leash, and two dog toys ... All free! The kids love him and he loves the kids. Now we are back to three dogs, two of them are in the house, one outside.

My first week of school was good, other than about a months worth of homework from 4 classes that I have to finish in a week - yeah I'll be busy for a while. The bad thing is that I work tonight and Saturday this week, and then Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, & Saturday next week. I'm not going to have enough time to do my homework. I will just have to take it to work with me and do it when I can.

I was starting to feel better about a few things that was bothering me when my husband came home to tell me that someone was trying to cause him more trouble at work again. This is something that goes on regularly and I'm really getting tired of it. Mainly because this person will act like nothing happened in a day or two and expect us to do the same.

Just please pray for me, that I don't say or do something stupid. Pray that I will read more of my Bible so that good things will come out of me when I'm upset. There is a lesson here somewhere - pray I figure it out and learn from it.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

TeamKid

Last night the kids played outside, so I decided to help with snacks instead. I should have went outside (even though it was hot), because sometimes I let my mouth override my brain and say things I shouldn't ... Last night was no exception. The Lord showed me the error of my ways and hopefully I will learn to keep my mouth shut.

I don't know what is wrong with me lately, I just keep blurting things out that get on my nerves. It is good that I talk about my problems, but not exactly the way I have been doing it. I am just really sick of some things that have been going on and I guess it's my way of dealing with it. I need to learn to pray and talk to God about it and no one else.

We have a meeting on Sunday to figure out who is doing what in TeamKid this year. Last year we did two things, the warm up and the recreation. I'm not sure we (Stanley & I) want to do those again (mainly the warm up), but I would guess that if no one else chooses them, we will have to. I think we may have enough help this time that we should only have to do one of those. I hope so because we are also doing the bus ministry, and though I want us to do all that we can to help, I don't want to overload myself either because of school.

Well I hope you have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Books, Paper, & Homework - OH MY!

Yesterday was HOT, and I had to walk very FAR to get to my classes. The first day was crazy, there was a scheduling conflict with classrooms and so one of my classes was moved to another building, but it could be moved back by next week, who knows.

I like my professors, which is good. I am really going to have to hit the books this semester. No more putting homework and studying off until the day before it's due ... I will have to put in two hours every single day just in my Anatomy & Lab classes just to keep up, that's not counting my three online classes.

In one day I managed to get more homework then my kids do all week ... yes, that's right, I'll be lost in books and possibly in thought somewhere in my house today. If you don't see me by Sunday, please call a search party.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Back To School

Today is my first day of on campus classes. I have Anatomy & Physiology and then the lab that goes with Anatomy & Physiology. Prayer would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

Have You Thought About It?

***UPDATE*** 8-21-07
This post came from something I have been dealing with and praying about that Satan tends to bring up when I'm feeling really good about my life and the changes I want to make. I thought if I posted it and prayed about it that it would go away.

This post isn't about any one person because I tend to let what people say to me or how they act toward me influence my decisions(which is wrong of ME)...Even people in my own home and family discourage me, but they don't realize it I am sure. Like I said, even I have said or done something that discouraged someone else.

If we all acted like God wanted us to, we would quit trying to be popular, quit acting like we are better than others, and start encouraging and supporting all of our brothers and sisters in Christ, and even lost people too, especially lost people.

Have you ever thought about how the way you act can impact someone else's life by discouraging them? In church, at home, wherever... how something you say or do can prevent someone else from doing something they thought about doing for someone else, or for Christ because you have discouraged them.

For instance, let's say you want to be more involved at your church, but there are a few people that don't think your qualified, or give you funny looks or say something sarcastic when you talk about it. Maybe they let power go to their heads and act like they are above you, that you work for them.

Maybe you want to be good friends with someone, but they act like they don't like you. They don't want to be around you, and it's noticeable.

You want to sing in the choir but someone laughed at you because they think you can't sing. Maybe you want to sing a solo but someone said something that changed your mind.

Maybe you thought of a great way to help people who desperately need it, and then were told no, not by words, but by someone ignoring the situation.

Maybe you have great ideas about things and want to share, but no one takes you seriously, so you chicken out.

None of us should care what others think about us, especially in times when we feel we are showing the love of Christ, or that God led us to do something. But, too many times I think someone else discourages us from doing something we feel strongly about with their words, their actions, and things they say.

I know this has happened to me many times, matter of fact it does all the time. Not necessarily the things listed, but from other things, by people who I can tell don't like me for what ever reason. I try so hard to be nice to them, try to befriend them, but I guess I'm not good enough for them, or whatever the case may be. They pretend to be my friend, or will be nice to my face, I'd rather them be ugly to me, rude to me, or ignore me then to pretend. Regardless, I let them discourage me from doing things that I know God has called me to do a couple of times. Something I shouldn't do, but I do.

I'm sure I have also said or done something that discouraged someone else. I pray I won't ever do it again! It doesn't feel very good.

Praise The Lord!

I can't even begin to explain Sunday at church, it was awesome! God spoke to me and my family so strongly on Sunday. We have decided to make some more changes in our life/family to help fight Satan and all his followers.

Putting God first in everything is our number one goal. We also want to serve in the church as much as we can. We are also going to start a family devotional every night. I am working until Sept 1st, but after that things are really going to change around my house.

I am so exited about what God is doing in my life and family, I pray your excited about what God is doing in your life and family too!

Disappointed

Apparently the Upward program won't let boys and girls play on football teams together, because it can cause self esteem issues if the girls run faster than the boys. I guess they didn't think about the self esteem of little girls who are told they can't play because of that reason.

My daughter is so upset that there isn't enough girls to play football. She was really looking forward to playing football. I guess she will have to be a cheerleader instead. I guess Upward isn't that different from regular football other than they use flags and have devotionals.

Regardless, I hope kids are saved, and even some moms and dads too. Have a great day!

Moving Upward

I am really excited about what God is going to do through Upward Football & Cheerleading at our church. It is a great outreach opportunity. I got the phone call last night that I am a cheerleading coach for 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade girls. That's exciting! I had to ask off for Saturday at work so that I could attend the meeting and meet the girls I'll be coaching.

My oldest son is going to be a referree for football, my husband was going to try to help out, but he isn't big on sports so he doesn't know enough to be a coach or referee. He wants to help out in any way he can though. I'm sure with nearly 100 kids, there will be room for helpers :) I just pray that through the Upward program that God will be glorified and that others will see Christ in us and kids will be saved.

Sowing Generously

2 Corinthians 9:6-15

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written:
"He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever."
Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

Anger

Proverbs 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.
Proverbs 29:8 Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger.
Proverbs 22:24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered,
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Anger can tear a family apart. It can eat at your insides. It can cause so many bad things.

I Think I Got My Answer

Family issues have forced me to give my notice. I can't be working when I am obviously needed at home. God, family, and school are much more important than money anyway. Some people just aren't meant to have money, and I guess we are some of those people. That's fine with me I suppose, I just needed the money to fix my teeth, get mine and Tanner's glasses, pay around $5000 in medical bills, buy all the medication I'm supposed to be taking but can't afford, buy clothes for the entire family, and have a few dollars put away for emergencies ... I guess just enough money to pay bills, buy groceries and put gas in the car will have to do. If groceries and gas prices continue to rise then we are really out of luck.

I know, it sounds like I'm complaining, and I guess I am. It's just so frustrating.

Decisions To Make

I have been working pretty much the whole summer so that we could buy the kids school clothes and hopefully pay some medical bills that we owe (and we owe a lot). I have bought some clothes but that's about it. My online classes start today and my on campus class starts on Tuesday. I'm not sure I can work and go to school too. If I do I will have to cut my hours down significantly, and then it won't be of much benefit.

We need the money, but I also need to focus on my schooling and putting the Lord first in my life. He is, after all, the reason I am able to go to school and do as well as I do. I guess I will pray about it and see what the Lord wants me to do.

Answered Prayers

Isn't it amazing how a Sunday morning at church can be God's way of answering your prayers? I have been dealing with issues this week. Issues like having so many responsibilities that I feel overwhelmed, to dealing with Satan coming at me through people I love or encounter in my life. Today our Sunday School teacher and our Pastor covered both of these issues. The answer, of course, is to look to God, not only in prayer, but by getting into His word as well. Something I have been neglecting to do. I pray all the time, prayer is easy, but sitting down to be still and quiet long enough to read my Bible isn't so easy.

God really spoke to me this morning, and I feel so blessed to have a Heavenly Father who forgives me for my many failures in this life. His mercy and love are an amazing, wonderful, and sometimes overwhelming miracle. I feel so useless sometimes as a child of God, that I'm not doing enough to bring others to Christ, or that I don't serve in every way I can. I try so hard to be a tool that He can use, but still I know I don't do enough.

I have a few people in my life that I would love to see come to Christ. I pray for them continually. I talk to them about God and Jesus, yet I haven't gotten anywhere. I am going to be a counselor at the Will Graham Celebration, and hopefully and prayerfully I can get them to come. I pray that God speaks to them so strongly that they can't deny Him anymore.

I pray that your day is or will be as big of a blessing as mine has been! God Bless You!

Trying To Understand

Have you ever wondered why people want to hurt other people? I'm not talking about unintentional mistakes, I'm talking about deliberate, purposeful actions. I have been trying to understand this for a long time, and I have actually been dealing with people like this in my own family. I think this is partly how Satan got a hold of me the past few weeks, because I have been talking with someone who regularly does mean things to people on purpose. This person isn't in my household, but they are apart of my family.

I can't take it anymore! I can't stand the division this person has caused in my family, the pain, the lies, the constant bickering with someone. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Dear Lord I can only pray and hand this over to you, I can't deal with it anymore. Satan uses this person to do his dirty work, and it seems to be doing the trick. Only you can stop it. Only you can change it and make it better. I ask that you put your hand in this situation before relationships are ruined and more of my family is divided. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Feeling Out Of Touch

Things just seem to be working against me the past few weeks and I figured out why. I haven't been reading my Bible like I ought to and so I'm feeling out of touch with God. It's amazing how reading your Bible can make you feel better, but it does. I have been so busy working and getting things ready for school that I haven't made the time for reading my Bible or even walking for that matter. It has been too hot to walk, but I can read my Bible from the comfort of my living room.

Satan has really stepped in lately and it's my own fault. I don't have my sword ready for battle. I am posting this and then I am going to spend some time with God. I want to feel that fellowship and that closeness with Him.

I pray that you will do the same. Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Happy 4th Anniversary Stanley

These four years have been the best out of the 16 total we've been together. Together (and with God's help) we have changed our lives and ventured on the right path. I love being your wife, I love knowing that I have a soft place to fall, and loving arms to hold me. I feel safe with you. You are home to me, my comfort, my love, and I love you more than words can say and emotions can express. I love you more today than I did the first time I married you.

May there be more laughter, more hugs and kisses, more tears of joy, and more great times ahead. May we never take each other for granted, but spend each moment together as if it were our last. May we always put God first, may we always follow him, and may we always know that he is our strength and the force that holds us together. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen

A Little Bit Of Everything

Today is the last day for sleeping in and going to bed late. Tomorrow all of my kids will be back in school. Seems to me like school starts earlier and earlier every year and gets out later and later. I have enjoyed the time with them, but I am ready for things to return to a schedule. I do well with schedules, I like them, and they make me feel more comfortable.

I am excited about Upward Football & Cheer leading this year at church. My two youngest boys and my little girl will be involved, and I'm hoping I can redo my work schedule so that I can be a cheer leading coach. I just hope they don't expect me to do back flips and cartwheels. (LOL)

Wednesday, Stanley and I will be celebrating 4 years of marriage. If you read the side panel at all, you know that we have been married twice and even while divorced, we still lived together. July marked 16 years that we have been together (since our first date). I always think about our later anniversaries ... like 25 years, we would actually be together 37 years. It's interesting to say the least.

My Internet classes start on the 13th and I have to get my books on the 10. One of my books may have to be ordered. All of my classes are online this year but my A & P class and the lab that goes with it.

The AFA sent out an email not so long ago that said that Ford's sales went down over 9% due to the boycott they started. Well I was watching CNN the other day and they said that Chevy, Dodge, GM, and a few others, all had a 9-11% drop in sales this last quarter due to people buying hybrids to save on fuel costs. Funny how that was left out. I'm not a big AFA fan if you haven't noticed.

Well I think I have bored you enough for one day. Have a great, glorious, and blessed day.

College/School/Church Happenings

I changed my fall schedule at college. The Assistant Dean of Nursing advised me that trying to take English 102 while taking nursing classes and medical microbiology would be a full load. She told me that I should cancel my Phlebotomy class and put English 102 and Intro To Art in its place. This will also help me to be home around 4PM instead of 8PM, and I'm sure my husband and children are delighted with that.

The kids start back to school August 7th. I have enjoyed them but I am ready to have my peace and quiet back. My grocery bill will also go down and that's always a plus. They are excited and I am excited for them. I cannot believe that my youngest boys are going to be in middle school this year. My how time flies!

Tomorrow is our Homecoming at church and I cannot wait. The singing and the music put you in the proper worship mood, and then the preaching puts you back on the right path. I am fixing broccoli and cauliflower casserole and "Heavenly Eggs" (as my Sunday School teacher calls them) We have a big potluck meal afterwards, last years was awesome!

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

This That & The Other

We didn't go to church last night because Stanley was so tired and overheated from work. I wanted to go but he wanted me to stay home with him...he told me that key people in the church missed more church than we did. We don't miss church much, I can count on one hand how many times we've missed, but that's beside the point - I love church and hate to miss it, and my day started going downhill after not going.

Today I have a conference I MUST attend or I forfeit my spot in the nursing program. It is from 2:30-5:00PM. They will tell us about the schedule, uniforms, immunizations, grades, etc. I am so excited about January when I will be in the nursing program. Not many people get excited about their career, but I know that this is my true calling.

There is someone in my family (and I won't mention their name), that needs prayer, and lots of it. I won't go into specifics, but they are entangled in Satan's trap, and need to find their way back to God. I have invited them to church-they always have an excuse why they can't come. I have even quit talking to this person because I couldn't deal with the lies they spew-it doesn't work. This person is so vengeful, spiteful, and full of hate for their own family-It makes the rest of the family not want to be around or talk to them if they can keep from it because you never know what this person will do or say out of anger or revenge if you don't do or say what they want you to. Lord please help this person in my family-you know everything they need, you know how to fix it, I pray you do what needs to be done according to your will, In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Praise God

My oldest son's 7 day blood sugar average is 184, and the 30 day average is under 300! Thank you God! This will definately help get his A1c down, but more importantly, get him in a safer level so that he doesn't do more harm to his body.

Thank you God for helping Austen care about his body more, and for helping us watch him more closely and be more supportive. Your an amazing God and I praise you for everything you do!

Money-Money-Money-Money

I am trying to work a lot of hours this week because school shopping for four kids is quite expensive. Thank God I'm not one of those that has to buy only name brand clothes for my family or it would be real expensive. Stanley should also thank God because I'm not a high maintenance woman. I go get my hair cut maybe three times a year, I don't get manicures or pedicures. I don't spend much money on myself at all, matter of fact there are things I need right now, but we can't afford it. I have four cavities and no dental insurance...two of the cavities need to be cut out, and two need filled. One of them is in the front of my mouth and when it falls out or breaks, I am afraid I won't go out into public anymore. I need an exploratory surgery to see if I have endometriosis, but that is another bill we just don't need right now. I need clothes, I have only a few pairs of pants and shirts to wear to school.

I can't imagine spending much money on myself...or even on my family for clothes and such. I have a friend who spent $800 on one suit and I said to him "Do you know how many outfits I could have bought with that much money?" I mean really. It seems like such a waste to me to buy expensive clothes. I can look nice without paying a fortune, and really, who cares if your shirt cost $10 or $100? I don't try to please others or impress others with my clothes...I have a personality for that.

I won't be able to work much after I go back to school and that hurts because the extra money has sure been put to good use...matter of fact it hasn't even felt like extra money. I can't even pay our medical bills from three in the family having surgery this year...groceries and gas are also killing us financially!

I just pray that God will meet our needs, help us to pay medical bills and tithe, and I'll be happy.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day ... and don't spend $800 on one suit!

What A Blessed Sunday!

Wow! I can't even begin to describe Sunday at our church. It was awesome to say the least! When you have a lot of people truly worshipping the Lord, you can feel his presence so strongly that it just does something to you.

Saturday I had worked 10.75 hours, and while I was working I started feeling really bad. I get bad cramps for no reason, doctors think it's endometriosis, we got to do some things to find out for sure. Anyway, the cramps make walking a chore. I came home, Stanley and I went to the store to buy easy stuff so I wouldn't have to cook, we got a couple of movies and came back home. I was still cramping. We ate and started watching the second movie and I fell asleep.

I didn't sleep well all night though because of the cramping, I woke up Sunday morning feeling really bad, and was planning on staying home. All of a sudden I jumped up to get ready, mainly because I thought we were singing a certain song in the choir and I didn't want to miss it, (I rarely miss church)...we didn't sing that song, but I am so glad I didn't miss church because I would have missed out on the blessing of worshipping God.

Sunday night was full of worship as well. The songs and the scripture really touched me. I pray every Sunday is like this. That we don't just go through the motions, but truly worship the Lord and watch him work.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

R.I.P. Shadow

Just a few minutes ago my precious lab died. I called the vet this morning, they were sure it was Parvo and said I could bring him in and they would give him IV fluids, something for vomitting and the other thing, but no guarantee it would work, or I could give him Pedialyte, Pepto and something for fever at home. I decided to try it myself and went to get the Pedialyte right down the road, came back and he had bled all over the floor from his behind. I poored Pepto down him, Pedialyte, and a child's tylenol and put him out in the garage. Checked on him a few minutes later and I could tell he was dying, I tried more Pedialyte and Pepto, poored it down and he swallowed it good, but a few minutes later more blood came out and he started moaning. A few minutes later he died. I tried so hard to save him but he was too far gone.

The only thing I can figure is that he had it a day before we found him, because it didn't take 24 hours to kill him once we realized he was sick. I just pray it doesn't get the other dogs.

One Sick Puppy

Tuesday a kitten that my kids adopted about a week before, died, I thought my boys torchered it to death but now my lab is sick and has many of the same symptoms the kitten did. I found a dead bird in the back yard, and after investigating all around for a possible cause of my lab's sickness, I found part of a bird in his waste. I wondered if the kitten and the dog didn't catch something from the bird, but now my lab seems to have symptoms of Parvo. I am taking him to the vet today after me and the boys get our shots for school.

I sure hope my lab makes it, he is so sick. All he does is drool, vomit, and the other thing. He wouldn't drink anything yesterday, I had to force liquids down him, but last night he started drinking water, and as long as he doesn't eat, he doesn't vomit or the other. He has lost so much weight already, he looks like he hasn't eaten in days.

Saturday he was full of life and playing like he always does, today all he can do sit and drool on the floor, he doesn't have much energy and he sure doesn't feel like playing. I pray that my lab makes it, his name is Shadow and he is the sweetest lab you will ever find. Barely over a year old. I love him so much! My dogs are like my kids to me.

Please pray for Shadow! Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

The Little Things

Sometimes it's the little things that get to me. Little sarcastic comments, little empty threats, little dirty looks - right now I've had about all I can take. I pray that I can let it go without a fight, because I feel one brewing. I pray that the little empty threats are just that, because if not some real trouble could be heading my way.

Dear Lord I pray that you will give me patience, strength, and the ability to ignore so that I can deal with this issue. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

My Walking / Exercise Journal

I drink 32-64 oz. of water daily and have cut down my calorie intake considerably and have only lost 4 pounds. I had lost 9 pounds but I gained 5 back. I have lost inches though, and my clothes are looser and I feel better and stronger. I just wish the weight loss was more, but 4 pounds in a little over a month isn't bad. It will take me quite some time to lose all the weight I want to lose though.

6-06-07 walked 1.1 mile
6-07-07 walked 2.2 miles
6-08-07 walked 3.3 miles
6-09-07 rode bicycle .4 of a mile
6-10-07 walked 5.2 miles
6-11-07 walked 5.2 miles
6-12-07 walked 5.2 miles
6-13-07 walked 5.2 miles
6-14-07 walked 5.5 miles
6-15-07 walked 2.5 miles / rode bicycle 1 mile
6-16-07 walked 3 miles
6-17-07 walked 1.1 miles
6-18-07 walked 5.2 miles
6-19-07 walked 2.2 miles
6-20-07 walked 5.2 miles
6-21-07 walked .8 of a mile (very hot outside)
6-22-07 walked 4.8 miles
6-23-07 walked 4.4 miles / rode bicycle .8 of a mile
6-24-07 walked 4.4 miles / rode bicycle .4 of a mile
6-25-07 walked none
6-26-07 walked 5.2 miles
6-27-07 walked 2.4 miles
6-28-07 walked none
6-29-07 walked 4.9 miles
6-30-07 walked 3.3 miles
7-01-07 walked 2.2 miles
7-02-07 walked 1.9 miles (feeling bad)
7-03-07 walked 2.2 miles (sick)
7-04-07 walked 1.1 mile (sick)
7-05-07 walked none (still sick)
7-06-07 walked none (at mom's)
7-07-07 walked none (had company)
7-08-07 walked 2.4 miles
7-09-07 walked 4.9 miles / used weights & exercised whole body
7-10-07 walked 4.2 miles / rode bicycle .8 of a mile / exercised whole body
7-11-07 walked 4.9 miles
7-12-07 walked 1.1 miles (on a juice fast)
7-13-07 walked 2.2 miles (still juice fasting)
7-14-07 walked none (still juice fasting)
7-15-07 walked 2.1 miles
7-16-07 walked none (started new job)
7-17-07 walked none
7-18-07 walked none
7-19-07 walked none
7-20-07 walked none
7-21-07 walked 1.4 miles
7-22-07 walked none
7-23-07 walked none
7-24-07 walked none
7-25-07 walked 1.9 miles

Grand Total: 118.2 miles

Thank you God for giving me the energy and strength to walk. I pray that you will help me to walk every single day. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

I Don't Know What To Do Anymore

I had to take my oldest son to Vanderbilt yesterday to see his endocrinologist. His A1c was once again over 14%. The doctor said it was a huge safety risk for him to be that high, so we can no longer leave him alone, nor can we trust him to check his sugar and get his shots. We have to watch him do it all, or do it for him.

It's a shame that a kid that is almost 15 years old won't be responsible enough to check his blood sugar and get his shots. We have taken everything away from him, phone, church activities (which he loves), going anywhere, doing anything fun, and nothing has worked.

How does he learn to be responsible and take care of himself if I do it for him? I won't always be around, he has got to learn to do this himself. He has got to start caring about himself enough to want to do it.

Lord I can only thank you for keeping Austen as healthy as he has been under the circumstances, because he seems to be trying to hurt his body by not taking care of himself. Lord I am begging you to give me the strength and the guidance to get his blood sugar to a safe level. I also beg you to work on him so that he will care enough to manage his own disease. Just help us all Lord, please just help us all. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

This & That

I started a new job Monday. I am really enjoying it, I just wish it wasn't so far to drive. I am taking care of a 91 year old woman who is legally blind from macular degeneration. This lady can get around good for a 91 year old blind woman let me tell you. I pray that I do that good at that age, and live that long.

Because of my new job, the heat, and personal reasons, I haven't been able to walk since Sunday, and if I don't walk sometime today, that will be 5 days without walking. I was planning on walking last night when I got off work, but it was raining pretty hard so I didn't. I have to start back, I miss it. I talk a lot to God and pray when I am walking, and because I am quite during that time, I can hear him talking to me to. I feel like I haven't talked to my best friend in a while, even though I pray all the time.

I am excited to start back to college this fall. I will have a full plate with my hours of school on Tues. & Thurs. being 11AM-8PM, plus if I still decide to work, I won't have time for anything at all. I will be a walking zombie. I don't know if I will be able to handle it all, I guess time will tell. With God's strength I can do anything, so hopefully he will equip me (if this is his will for me to do all this).

Praise God! My friend "B" is doing good. Only one seizure during her med change, she is a little dizzy headed and all, but hopefully that will go away as she gets used to the new medicine. God is so good!

Well I hope you and yours are doing well. Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Me & My Hubby

Prayer Request-Sticky Post

I am leaving this post on top for a week or more, that is why it has a future date on it. This post was actually written on Sunday, July 8 @ 3:58PM

Please Pray for my friends "M" & "B". "B" is going off meds she has been on for a long time and it may cause her to have seizures. Please pray that God will protect her and keep her safe from all harm. She will be in the hospital so at least she will be in reach of medical personnel if needed. Also pray for her husband "M" as he will be with her. Pray for their daughter, that she won't worry about her mom and that God will put his loving arms around her while mom and dad are gone.

"M" & "B" are faithful servants to the Lord. They are loved and adored by everyone. Please keep them in your prayers for the next week or so. Have a great, glorious, and blessed day.

Dear Lord I thank you for "B's" health as of right now, she has had several months without seizures. Lord I pray that you will take care of her during this stressful time and that she won't be scared, but put her trust and faith completely in you. Lord I ask you to bless her and "M" and give them your strength during this time. Watch over them, protect them, guide and direct them, let them know your there with them. Please keep their daughter close and help keep her from worrying. Let her have a fun and enjoy time with her grandma. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Thank You God!

I didn't check my mail on Saturday because I wasn't feeling good. I slept most of the day and the part of the day I was awake, I was still in my pajamas. Sunday after church I decided to check my mail and when I did there was a letter from my college. When I opened it I was so excited I could barely contain myself. It was my acceptance letter for the nursing program. I start the nursing program in spring 08'. I am so thankful to God above for giving me the ability to go to school for what I feel is my true calling. I am also thankful to God for a great, loving, and supportive family who understands the time I spend away from them studying, will pay off greatly when I start working.

Thank you Lord for all your blessings, each and everyday you surprise and amaze me. I love you and thank you so much!

Juice Fasting

Today I am starting a juice fast. If you don't know what that is, the title of this post links to a site that explains it.

I was researching last night and found that juice fasting may help with my weight loss by cleaning out my body; fat cells, liver, colon, and kidneys. We put a lot of junk in our bodies over time, and juice fasting helps clean it all out. I am using V8 Splash fruit juices, V8 vegetable juice, cranberry juice, and grape juice, to help cleanse my insides. Plus I have to drink water too.

I probably won't do a lot of walking during this fast because I won't be taking in many calories, so I don't need to burn more than I am taking in. I walked 1.1 mile this morning, just to get the blood flowing and heart rate up a bit. I don't know how long this fast will be, it will depend on how well I tolerate not eating and only drinking juice.

Wish me luck & have a great, glorious, and blessed day.

I Love Church!

Our church didn't have Wednesday night church last week, they were open for prayer, but I was sick and didn't go. I could tell that Satan was working on me this week because I didn't have that extra day of church.

Sunday was awesome though. In Sunday school we learned about serving in the church, using your talents and such to glorify God. Then a speaker from the Gideon's spoke during worship, and it was awesome to hear how God's word is spreading around the world, and people are getting saved.

I could live at church, no really! I love being in God's house with his people. It is so much better to me than being at home watching TV. If we had church every night, I would be one happy camper!

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Getting Over A Cold

I got to keep my sister's girls after she got married last Saturday, and ended up with a bad cold. It about whooped my butt too. I enjoyed having the girls here, we also had my oldest son's 'best bud' here too, we had a pretty good time.

I have only been able to walk 1-2 miles a day lately, but I figure I am exercising more than I ever have, so any is better than none. I can tell it is working, I feel better and my clothes are getting loose. I plan on getting back to 5 miles a day though, it really works.

I felt so bad Wednesday that we didn't even go to church for a prayer service. I am so glad this cold is going away and I feel better. Thank God for sleep and good family to let you rest when you need it.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Busy Day/Week

We have had VBS all week and I have been trying to walk afterwards, but it isn't easy. I have only missed a few days of walking since I started earlier this month. I am going to try to walk before and after VBS today, wish me luck!

Tomorrow I have to be part of my sister's wedding. I am the Matron of Honor and Stanley is giving my sister away. My dad would be so proud if he were still alive. The whole wedding thing and reception will take all day, so Sunday will probably be my only day to relax.

I have really enjoyed VBS this week, and I have enjoyed the kids so much, especially the little ones. I Praise God for the opportunity to serve in any capacity HE chooses for me to serve. I will follow HIM wherever HE leads me.

Have a glorious and blessed day!

Praise God!

My twelve year old doesn't have any sign of cancer in the lymph node they removed Tuesday. The full results are in and it was just an infection! Thank you God for watching over my baby!

Absent From The Body - Present With The Lord

My patient whom I dearly loved, passed away Friday night. I went to the funeral this morning. It was a beautiful service. I just fell in love with the whole family, they are such good people. I pray that God will hold them close at this difficult time.

Kat was the first patient I lost where I was present at the time of death. I wasn't in the room with her, I left her to be with her family, but I was in the next room. I am glad I was there so I could comfort the family. I loved Kat, she and I became good buddies, often laughing and being silly together.

This helps me to know that I am doing exactly what I was meant to do with my life, be a nurse. Though I doubt there are many nurses who would stay with their patients at all hours of the night, without pay, just because they care so much and want to make sure their patient is not in pain and being taken care of. I couldn't help but love her and want her to rest and be comfortable.

May God bless the family and their loved ones, and may they have peace that Kat is at home with the Lord.

Prayer Requests

My son is going to have surgery on Tuesday to remove an enlarged lymph node in his armpit. I'm feeling a lot better about it all, but I'm still worried about my little guy. He is a mommas boy, and we have always been pretty close. I just want the lymph node out and him to be OK and then I know everything will be alright.

Also, the lady I sit with and take care of at night has cancer and isn't doing very well. She is hanging in there but she has been in pretty bad pain the last few days. I keep praying that God won't let her suffer, and she hasn't much until the past few days, but it is so hard to watch her hurt, and I pray that God will ease her pain and let her be at peace.

Dear Lord I want to thank you for your unfailing love and mercy. You bless me in ways that I would have never dreamed of. I thank you for the opportunity to get to know the family of the lady I take care of. It has been a blessing to me to take care of her and see the love that ties that family together. I pray a special blessing on them at this time. May your will be done and may the family be at peace. I pray for (K) that she won't be in any pain any more and that you would wrap your loving arms around her. I also pray that you be with the surgeon during Tanner's surgery and that everything will be OK. Help us not be nervous or anxious and comfort and protect Tanner. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Feeling Stronger

This is day number four of walking 5 miles and I can already tell a difference. My pants are getting looser and I am feeling stronger. I also have more energy, but I am still so sore and stiff from doing something that I am not used to doing. I know once the soreness and stiffness goes away, I will be feeling really good.

Thank you God for giving me your strength to accomplish my goals and become healthier and more fit. Please be with the family of the lady I'm sitting with at night, she has had a rough couple of days and I know the family is concerned. I pray that you will comfort her and her family at this time and wrap your loving arms around them. Please don't let her suffer but let her be at peace. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

I'm In Pain

I have walked 21 miles since last Wednesday!!! I walked five miles again today. I hurt, I hurt bad. My legs are so incredibly sore. I pray that the soreness works itself out as I walk again tomorrow. The good news is that I can see a smaller dress size in my future!

I'm Feeling Good

God has given me his strength and sent others to motivate me and now I'm feeling really good. Yesterday I walked five miles ... yes I said 5! It was hard, but just knowing that I have walked 11 miles last week makes me feel good about myself. God gave me this body to take care of and use for his glory, and I plan on doing just that. I don't know how long it will take to lose weight walking 5 miles a day, but I am going to stick it out and weight for the wonderful results;)

Thank you Lord for giving me your strength in times of weakness, thank you for sending good people to motivate and encourage me, and thank you for all your love and the blessings you give me each and everyday. I pray that while I walk, I will use that time to pray and get closer to you, and that you will minister to me during that time. Forgive me for all my weaknesses and failures, in Jesus' name, Amen!

Walking Isn't That Bad :)

Today I walked three miles. Tomorrow I plan on walking 4 miles. It isn't as bad as I thought it would be, it's just making sure I do it ... motivation, that is the hardest thing. So far so good though. Now I have to lower calories and drink lots more water.

Determined

I have had thyroid disease for about 8 months now and I am outgrowing my clothes at an alarming rate. I decided yesterday that I have had enough. I started walking and drinking more water. Yesterday I walked one mile, today I walked two miles, and I am going to increase a mile each day until I am walking 5 miles a day. I have to lose weight, I just have to.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I will need God's strength to help me accomplish my weight loss goals. Thank you :)

This Is My Song

Ever hear a song that just fits you? Well this one is one of mine.

Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you'll never know me.
Everyday,
it's as if I play a part.
Now I see,
If I wear a mask,
I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart.

Chorus:
Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight back at me.
When will my reflection show who I am inside?

I am now,
In a world where I have to hide my heart,
and what I believe in.
But somehow,
I will show the world what's inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am.

Who is that girl I see,
staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Must I pretend that I'm
someone else for all time.
When will my reflection show,
who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
someone else for all time.
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
When will my reflection show who I am inside? oh, ooh yeah

Christina Aguilera

Feeling Blessed

I have had a pretty good week. God has got me through some hard days and blessed me with a loving family and good friends. I can't imagine living the life I used to have anymore. I had a lot of "friends" but I was miserable. Now I have good friends at church, a few friends I have had for a long time, and a life that is pleasing to God...what more can a girl ask for?

I took the NLN yesterday. Yeah that was fun! I don't know why they make a study guide when only about 15 questions come from the study guide out of 200 or so questions. I just pray that I scored what I needed and get accepted into the program.

Please Pray For Me

Tomorrow morning I take the NLN exam to see if I can get into the nursing program. I have to be there bright and early and I have to work late tonight. Please pray that my brain will function properly and that I will score above the 50th percentile. My whole career is riding on this test.

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for your love, for your mercy, and for Jesus. You have blessed me and my family in so many ways and I thank you and praise you for that. Lord please give me your strength as I take the NLN exam tomorrow. Help my thyroid and my brain function properly so that I will have no barriers while taking the test. I know with your strength I can do anything and I will succeed. Please forgive all my sins and failures, In Jesus' name Amen.

I'm So Excited!

It is so exciting to be blessed so much just for doing what God wants you to do. I felt like God was wanting to me to post and share My Testimony with others. It was hard to do because it is not easy to air your dirty laundry. I have had so many positive responses from people I hoped my story would touch, but also from the people I go to church with.

God works like that, and it still amazes me. I don't take the credit by no means. God gets all the glory because he is the one who laid it upon my heart to share my story. Besides, what on earth did I do but make a bunch of stupid, regrettable mistakes? God did all the work, he changed me and I am so thankful for that.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

To My Friend "BL"

I hope you are having a wonderful day!

I'm So Disappointed

We had big plans to go camping this weekend, but it doesn't make sense to camp when I would drive pretty far every night to go to work, so we decided to stay home instead. I was really looking forward to it too because we were going to be camping with some friends from church. Maybe we can go another time this summer and get our friends to go then.

Have a great day and God bless you and yours!

A True Blessing

I work for a couple who have been married for 67 years and they still are so in love that it is a true blessing to watch them interact with one another. He can walk in the room and her face lights up, and he can talk about her and his face lights up. I feel so blessed just being in the same room with them.

I hope and pray that Stanley and I look at each other like that when we have been married that long.

What If ...?

We had a meeting about my diabetic son yesterday and it really got me to thinking. What if junk food and sugary foods were obsolete? Wouldn't the world be so much healthier? It wouldn't change my son's disease, but it would sure help his blood sugar if he couldn't eat all that junk.

The school my kids attend have smartened up, they have taken vending machines and sodas out of the school and replaced them with juice, and healthy snacks. Think of how that would change people if everybody did that. There would be less obesity and diabetes and less heart disease and stroke.

I'm sure God would be pleased too because we are to take care of the temple (our bodies) and eating all that junk is not taking care of the temple, it is corrupting it and causing disease. What do you think?

I Feel Blessed

I really enjoyed church this morning and tonight. I love being in God's house with God's people. Too bad everyday isn't Sunday.

Busy As A Bee

Today I will be spending much of my time cleaning my house. I have been neglectful of my duties, and my house looks like a cyclone has hit it. No really! I will also be talking to God and listening to him as I clean. I really need his guidance about something right now.

I have felt God's presence and his blessings so strongly this week. And just like Satan, he smacked me in the face when I was sitting on cloud nine. I know that with God's strength I can defeat Satan and be victorious once again.

Have a great day and God bless!

My Testimony - Part 1

To get where I am today, I had a long road to go down. I am breaking my testimony up into several parts because of how long that road is. I will start with some background information. If you have any questions or comments, please fell free to ask/make them.

I was born on May 14, 1974. My mother married my dad after one failed marriage, her and her first husband had a son. With my dad, my mom had my older sister and then myself. When I was 3 my parents got a divorce. My dad got custody of my sister, mom got custody of me. Mom & dad were suppose to make sure my sister and I saw each other every weekend, but I don’t remember if that happened or not. Dad would come and get me every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer, when mom would let him. My dad was an alcoholic ever since I can remember. Alcoholism eventually took his life which is a big part of me finding my way back to God. I will go into this more "in depth" later.

My dad remarried another woman shortly after the divorce with my mom (from what I gather), and mom moved to a different town. Dad adopted his new wife’s daughter and eventually had my younger sister "C" years later. When I was 5 years old I got to live with my dad while I attended kindergarten. When school was over, mom came to get me and then not very long after she got married to a man I’ll call "DC".

We were attending Rosebower Baptist on a regular basis, back when the fellowship hall was in the sanctuary and the Sunday school building had the fellowship hall in it. I loved going to church, everybody knew each other and was friends. I remember going to "MB’s" house after church to eat lunch, and I remember going to the Pastor's house on several occasions. We were really involved with church, and I would help invite kids to church on the weekends with "DC" and mom, and even the Pastor and his wife and kids. The Pastor’s wife was my Sunday school teacher, and their daughter "A" was in the class too.

Our Pastor (Bro. P) was like the jolly green giant to me, I wasn’t scared of him really, I was just intimidated by his size. He is a very tall man. He is still tall to me now that I am grown. Anyway, back to the story. I was a very shy little girl. I remember one Sunday morning when I was 8 years old, Bro. P was preaching a real good sermon. I was starting to feel weird and didn’t know why. Then we started singing the invitation and God was really working on me. I wanted to go forward so I asked my mom to go with me. She told me that she couldn’t go with me, that this was something I had to do on my own. I then decided that I wouldn’t go if I had to go alone, so I stayed where I was.

After church, mom explained to me that when I was ready to be saved, I would walk to Bro. P on my own. That this was between me and God and if I was ready, not even shyness could stop me. All I thought was that I wouldn’t go by myself so I wasn’t worried about it any more.

At the evening service, Bro. P was once again preaching a good sermon. Once again I could feel that God was working on me. I tried real hard to ignore him. During the invitation that feeling was so strong that I couldn’t ignore it anymore, so I let go of my song book, and slowly walked toward Bro. P. He seemed to get taller and taller the closer I got. What seemed to be the longest walk in my life was almost over, and I didn’t know what to expect, I was a little scared. To my surprise, Bro. P got down on one knee to greet me. I told him I wanted to be saved. We talked a minute and then he took me in a room just off the sanctuary where I talked to several people, Bro. P, his wife, and the song minister Bro. B. After a little while, I prayed and invited Jesus in to my heart and then Bro. P announced it to the church and everyone shook my hand.

I think it was a couple of Sundays later that I got baptized. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I was so excited. I remember I really liked Bro. P after I got saved, I wasn’t scared of how tall he was anymore. He was my new friend. I thought it was the neatest thing when he said “I baptize you my sister”.

A few weeks later I woke up for school not feeling very well. Mom said my neck was swollen and thought I had the mumps. She didn’t want me to go to school, but I had never missed a day and I wasn’t about to start because I was sick. Once I was at school I started to feel worse and then I vomited all over my class floor. Needless to say, mom had to come and get me.

I went to the doctor for tests and then back home. Mom told me I was really sick. The next thing I knew the doctor was calling and telling mom that I had to be hospitalized. I was so scared. Mom told me that if we would hold hands and pray, that God would answer our prayer. So we did, and we prayed that God would heal me and that I would be ok and wouldn’t be scared anymore.

Mom left to go get me some things for the hospital. "DC" (my step-dad) told me he heard that I was really scared, I told him that I was scared, but that mom and I had prayed and I knew that God was going to take care of me. I had alot of faith in God for an eight year old child. I went to the hospital and the moment I walked in I was vomiting again. See what had happened was that I had strep throat a few weeks earlier but mom didn’t know it, she just thought my throat was a little red. That strep infection went to the tubes of my kidneys and was causing my kidneys to fail. It is called Post-streptococcal glomerulonephritis.

Shortly after arriving at the hospital, I went into a semi-coma. Luckily for me I had a doctor who trusted God. He waited everyday to keep me off dialysis. After being in a semi-coma for about a week, I woke up. I remember Bro. P and Bro. B coming to visit me. My class had made me a Halloween poster and one day it fell on Bro P’s head, I thought that was so funny. I got better everyday and a week later I got to go home with a restricted diet. No salt, no soft drinks, and lots of cranberry juice.

I don’t know exactly how much time went by, but Mom and "DC" split up and we lived on Sharpe School Road in a mobile home owned by one of the men at church. We kept going to church. Then more time went by and we moved and I don’t remember going to church anymore. I know I was in 5th or 6th grade. I don’t really know why we stopped going to church. I guarantee you that my mom regrets that decision now.

I didn’t really have time to grow in Christ before we stopped going to church. I was still a babe, that’s for sure. We still prayed and read our Bibles, but it wasn’t the same. You just can’t live the Christian life outside of church, it isn’t possible. I know a lot of things in my life would be very different if we had stayed in church. I guess you live and you learn.

I will pick up from here next time.

My Testimony - Part 2

I warn you, you might want to grab a tissue if your a sensitive person. This part of my testimony will be a little harder for me to write, and probably a little harder for you to read.

Mom and I are out of church. We still pray and talk to God, and we still read our Bible. It is really hard for a young child to read and understand the Bible without a teacher of some sort. I know it came to a point when I stopped reading my Bible. Mom has pretty much always read her Bible, she still does.

I don't want to go too "in-depth" into my childhood because for the most part it was boring. I do have to go into some pretty painful things for you to truly get the whole picture. This is definitely the hardest part for me because I have to admit the things I've done wrong. It makes me sick, but here goes.

I mentioned in part 1 that my dad was an alcoholic and that he came to get me every other weekend and in the summer. A lot of those weekends he would be sitting in a bar drinking and my step mom would send me in to get him. There were many weekends that I was at my dad's that I didn't really spend any time with him because he was spending time with the bottle. My dad would drive home drunk and pass out in the driveway, the second he turned off the ignition. I knew that eventually alcohol would kill him, but I prayed so hard that it wouldn't.

My dad didn't go to church. My step mom did though. I remember right after I was saved, I asked my dad if he was saved. All he told me is that he was too mean to go to hell. He laughed and so did I and that was pretty much the end of it. I didn't even push the conversation. I would regret that years later.

I remember when I was real young, my dad came to get me for the weekend and my mom wouldn't let me go. I remember crying and screaming and begging to go to daddy's house, but she kept saying no. Dad called the police but they wouldn't make mom let me go with dad. I will never forget that day as long as I live. I was talking to my daddy through a window screen in the bedroom, begging and begging and mom made someone come in there and make me stop. This memory haunts me.

My mom and dad didn't part on good terms so they used me as a way to hurt each other. Mom would constantly talk about dad, then when I told dad he would start talking about mom. I was told things about my dad that no child should ever have to hear. The things dad told me about mom were things that I seen with my own eyes. Regardless, it was very traumatic for me to have to hear all of those things about the two people I loved most in the world. They thought they were hurting each other, but I was the one getting hurt.

I believe my mom had good intentions and really loved me, I think she was just very insecure and was afraid that I might love daddy more than her. I know she didn't want me to like my step mom, and eventually she planted so much in my head about my dad and my step mom, that my step mom and I hated each other. It didn't help that one day my step mom beat my sister with a high heel shoe and I had to carry her to her bedroom. I threatened to kill my step mom that night, and I was young too.

I remember one weekend, daddy came to get me for the weekend and my step mom told him that he didn't ask her permission to get me. They fought and the next thing I knew my dad was telling me that I had to leave. My own dad was making me leave because his wife didn't want me there. To this day that still makes me cry.

My sister, who lived with dad, ended up having to move out because it got so bad. It is hard to think that my dad chose a woman over his kids, but I guess he did. She moved in with my Godparents who lived across the street. One night she got a gun and had it pointed across the street, waiting for my step mom to come home. I really believe she would have shot her if she could. That is how bad things were then.

As I grew older, I learned to tolerate my step mom. We knew we didn't like each other, but I loved my dad and I wasn't going to let her come between us. My step mom had my younger sister when I was seven years old, and when she got big enough, she started beating her. We told dad, but he just escaped it by drinking.

You throw a few more stories like that in, a lot of drinking, a lot of fighting, and that was pretty much my childhood. I did have some good times with my dad, don't get me wrong. We had several good weekends and vacations that I actually spent some time with him.

While some of all that was going on, at DC's house (my step dad), he played the part of a good dad for a while. One day his dog attacked me and I had to get stitches in my ear and my in my head. He was mad because he had to keep the dog tied up. Him and mom started having problems, and according to mom, he got mad when I called mom to come and get me at dad's because me and my step mom had gotten in a fight. Mom says that DC wanted me to spend the whole summer with dad so that him and mom could be alone.

One day when I got off the school bus, the dog that had attacked me came running toward me and I fought to get back on the bus. Mom ended up getting the dog and I went in the other door of the house, DC held the door shut and wouldn't let me in. Then after I screamed (because I was terrified of the dog), he let me in and then called me a baby. Right after that mom and DC split up.

Mom and DC dated years and years after they split up. I always thought it was funny that they got a long better divorced than they did married. I got over DC calling me a baby and letting the dog out and we became good friends.

Forward many many years. I am now a teenager and stupidity has taken over. I was a good kid until my teenage years...I had my first sexual experience at age 13. That is every mother's nightmare. To be honest, I truly believe that I was looking for love and acceptance. I knew my mom and dad loved me, but at times it seemed like it was dependent on what I did or didn't do. My parents don't even realize the emotional scars I have that were caused by them. I am not blaming them by no means, I am responsible for every single one of my actions. I just know that I was searching for something that they weren't providing.

When I was in 9th grade, I started dating a Deacon's son and started going to Hardin Baptist Church with him and his family. I was enjoying church and realized that I needed to change and tried hard to be a better Christian for a little while. He was a senior and I got to go to prom with him, which was pretty cool. This boy broke my heart by dumping me and asking out one of my best friends.

Years went by and I am now 17. I met Stanley about a year before he asked me out. Finally he asked me out and I said yes. He was 28, which I lied to mom and told her he was 21. She later found out and was mad at me but she liked Stanley and so she let us continue to date. That was in July of 1991. I fell in love with Stanley almost instantly. I knew in my heart that he was the "one". Shortly after I found out I was pregnant but then I had a miscarriage. Four months later I ended up pregnant again with Austen.

Stanley and I got married on April 10, 1992. I turned 18 on May 14. In September of 92' Austen was born. Things started going downhill from there. I was young and so naive. I got a job working afternoons and ended up committing adultery with a co-worker. I never thought in a million years that I would cheat on Stanley, I loved him so much.

My life was a living hell after that. Stanley was so hurt that all he could do was torch er me with what I had done. I was so miserable that I took a whole bottle of Ibuprofen, hoping I wouldn't wake up the next day. It didn't kill me, but I didn't have a headache for a month. I then got pregnant with Tanner, and then when Tanner was two months old I found out I was pregnant with Coty.

We lived in a small trailer. We had three small kids. We couldn't afford to buy anything we needed seemed like. We were both miserable. Stanley thought we would make it, I was ready to give up. I got another job and ended up committing adultery again. This time it didn't bother me so bad. I wasn't happy and I was looking for a way out. We weren't living the kind of life that made anybody proud. We did a lot of stupid things.

I filed for a divorce and then I found out I was pregnant again. The man who got me pregnant was now seeing my sister (she didn't know though), and made it clear that he would not be a father to the baby. I told Stanley that I was pregnant by another man and that I needed to leave (we were still living in the same house). Stanley asked me to stay. I thought he was crazy to still want me there, but he did. Abortion was brought up and tossed around, but I couldn't do that. God had different plans than I did, he was going to use this to better me, I just didn't know it at the time.

A few months later I was at mom's dealing with the drama she had forced upon herself. She had gotten custody of my brother's kids, and he didn't know it and was coming to get them. I believed what my mother had told me and so I was trying to keep the peace while keeping my brother from taking the kids. I got beat up in the process. I went to the ER and they said the baby's heartbeat was fine and sent me home. The next day my doctor scheduled an ultrasound and we found out that things were not ok. We also found out that the baby was a girl. Stanley and I had wanted a girl so bad.

It is really hard to be pregnant with another man's baby while living with your ex-husband/boyfriend. It is especially hard to be pregnant with a black man's baby while living in a very racist county. Stanley and I started getting closer while I was pregnant. He knew she wasn't his baby, but it was like he didn't care. We thought I was going to lose her. I was on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. We just grew closer and closer. I know now that God was using this situation to change us.

I eventually went into labor. My first natural birth. The boys were all born by C-section. I remember when they told me that they could see a head full of black hair. I told Stanley that I was sorry. See, I was hoping that she would be his, even though I knew in my heart she wasn't. Once I knew she had black hair, I knew that she wasn't his.

I still remember the look on Stanley's face when she was born. He was so happy, his eyes were lit up and he had "happy" tears in his eyes. I kept apologizing to him, but he insisted that I had nothing to apologize for. I realized at that moment that Stanley really did love me. I knew I loved him, but once we got married things changed so much that I didn't feel that love from him anymore. I felt it now.

I'm not saying that things were perfect between Stanley and I after Brianna was born. But things were better, a lot better. We started really loving each other. He absolutely loved Brianna, and she was such a daddy's girl. She loved him so much. He would pull in the driveway after getting off of work, and she would run to him with her arms open wide. She knew who her daddy was and they were inseparable.

I am sickened by the person I became in those years. I have always had a good heart, everyone always thought I was so sweet and nice. I know a lot of those people changed their minds, and that's ok. To have done all of those things after I was saved ... it kills me inside. I hurt so many people, but most of all I hurt God.

The next part (and hopefully the end) will be about the years leading up to where I am now and how God got my attention. This part will be the hardest for me to write because of the loss I suffered. It is the most amazing part though. Until then, God bless you!

My Testimony - Part 3

Hopefully I will be able to finish my testimony with this part. This will be very emotional for me, but I also think all of this is very good for me.

I am leaving out a few things. There is no way I can write all the things that have happened in my life. I can tell you that Stanley and I hurt each other, it wasn't one sided. It isn't my place to tell you about his part, it's his. I will have to tell a little bit because it helped me find my way back to God. Again, you may want to grab a tissue.

We had moved to Mayfield when Brianna was born. We had problems with family and just didn't want the racial slurs and stuff like that. Things continued to get better for Stanley and I after we moved away from our parents. If our parents would have had their way we have completely split up.

My dad called one day and asked me to move to Webster County to be with him. He thought he had cancer at first and he wanted to get to know his grand kids a little better. He found out he didn't have cancer but he still asked us to move, and so we did.

We bought a huge house in Webster County. It was two story and was over 3000 square feet. Dad helped us fix it up and before long we had turned it back into a beautiful house. Then dad got on a drinking binge and wanted to fight with us all the time. At one point I thought Stanley and him were going to fist fight, because daddy could say such mean things to me and it made Stanley mad. Thankfully it never got to that point.

Dad and I started to get close. We lived not even a mile from each other, but we would talk on the phone for hours and hours. We would visit and ride around together too, but mostly we talked on the phone.

After a few years we moved back to Marshall County. Dad and I remained close. He had always told me that I was his baby, that my younger sister "C" was actually the baby, but I was his baby and that I was more like him when he was sweet. My dad was the nicest guy you could meet when he was sober, but he was the meanest when he was drinking.

I was so tickled that I finally had a good relationship with my dad. You could tell that it made mom jealous. You would think that she would be happy, but like I said before, she was insecure. Mom was the main reason we (dad and I) didn't have a good relationship when I was a kid.

Stanley and I became the life of the party back in Marshall County. We would have cook-outs on weekends and have lots of friends over. We would drink a few beers and play cards. At the time we thought life was great, but it doesn't take long for reality to kick in.

There came a point in time when Stanley's ex-wife moved in right beside us. Yeah, that was fun. If you didn't know that Stanley had been married before, well he had been, for about two years. They divorced in 89'.

Well she became quite the friendly one. We started playing cards with her and her fiance' on the weekends. Then she would talk about us behind our backs. This didn't settle well with me. At that time I was hot tempered and would have kicked some "behind" if I thought I would have stayed out of jail.

Stanley and I were going to daddy's house from time to time and spending the weekend with him. We were really growing closer and closer. The last weekend we had spent with dad was in February. We had been planning on it again, but dad hadn't been feeling well. He came to see us on a Thursday and took us out to eat. We spent a few hours together and then he left. Little did I know that this would be the last time I would see my dad happy and full of life.

That weekend, sis and her girls had come to spend the weekend. Sis and I had stayed up all night on Saturday night. I had meant to call dad Saturday night, but the time got away from me and dad went to bed early, so I didn't. Sunday we had gotten up late, Mom was over and we were all talking. The phone rang, my sister answered it, and the next thing I knew we were on our way to Deaconess Hospital in Evansville.

My dad had been driving to take my younger sister her license plate and had been drinking. He didn't feel good and stopped to lie down for a few minutes at his brothers house. He got up a short time later and drove away. He had a heart attack just down the road and went straight through a curve and hit a big oak tree about 10 feet up in the air.

When we arrived at the hospital, my whole family was there. My ex step mom was there and her and my younger sister were trying to cause a stink about who would see dad first. Sis, me and dads girlfriend went in first. I didn't even recognise my dad. The only way I knew it was him was by his hands. His head and face were swollen so big. At this time all we knew was that he had a wreck, we didn't know anything else.

That night dad's girlfriend and I were in the waiting room, the nurse flew in and said we needed to come quick. Dad was seizing and they wanted to know if they were to do CPR if he coded. We said yes. We didn't know what was wrong with him really. We knew he looked bad and couldn't talk to us, but we didn't know why.

The next day we went in to see him and when I held his hand it felt like he was holding mine and pulling me into him. The nurse told me no, that he didn't respond to deep pain, and that his brain waves showed very little activity. She said he didn't even know that we were there. Later it got to where every time we walked into the room, he would start seizing, his blood pressure would go up and his heart rate would go up. They told us we couldn't talk to him or touch him anymore. So much for not knowing we were there huh?

The next day, the doctor told us that at best that dad would live in a nursing home with feeding tubes. He told us that he would never be able to talk to us or live a normal life. This was hard to take, but I knew what dad wanted me to do.

My sister was talking to me about pulling the plug because that is what dad wanted. It seemed everyone was ready for it. I couldn't do it yet. I needed time. I went in on visitation with him by myself and I started witnessing to him. I guess this was the first time in my life I had actually witnessed to anyone. I had already prayed more in those few days than I had all of my life. I told dad that if he wasn't saved that he was going to hell. I cried and begged him to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior and ask God to forgive him for all of his sins. I didn't want my dad to go to hell. I was praying that he heard me. It really shook me that I didn't know if my dad was saved or not.

I prayed about daddy and God gave me real peace. I told daddy that it was ok for him to go and be with Jesus, that I would be ok. See I truly believe that all that seizing daddy was doing was his way of fighting and trying to make it for me and my sisters. That was the kind of man he was. I believe he knew when I first seen him that I was hysterical crying. I begged him to fight.

Stanley told daddy that he would take care of his girls. That he could go in peace. At the next visitation, dad's heart rate and blood pressure had fallen drastically. It kept falling at every visitation. The next thing I knew, the doctors were telling me it was time to make a decision. He was fixing to bleed out and they were sure he would be gone by the end of the weekend. I got with my sisters and we decided to take him off the breathing machines. We all went in the room with him, we talked to him and cried for a long time. Then we told them to take the tubes out. 15 minutes later he died. That was on a Friday, April 18th 2003.

My sisters and I went to dad's house to await the funeral. They funeral director wanted us to have the funeral on Easter Sunday, but we opted to do it the following Monday. We were going through dad's things and found a Bible with his name in it and in his handwriting, there was a "born again" date. I was so happy. I should have known before when I had peace about it. I guess I didn't trust God, or know then that it was God telling me.

I became the Administrator over my dad's Estate. I held up pretty good for a while and then I started to mourn very hard. I cried constantly it felt like. I became very bitter and angry with my mom. She had taken some time with my dad away from me, and I couldn't get that back and I was mad as mad could be. I really started to despise my mother. It got to where I couldn't mention dad without crying. I still have problems now, time to time.

I miss my dad terribly. He was the one that I could laugh and tell jokes with, get great advice from, and the one who was always honest with me no matter how bad it hurt. He meant more to me than I ever knew, it just took him dying to figure it out. I mourned so hard for so long that I actually believed that I needed medical help.

Then in August of 2003, I had decided that I needed to remarry Stanley. He had asked me for years, we never really split up, even with the divorce we only was separated for less than a week. I kept telling him no. I didn't want to marry him unless I knew it was right, meaning - I knew we had grown up enough not to do stupid hurtful things to each other anymore. We finally got married again on August 8th 2003.

We were still partying and having a big ole' time. Then something happened that shook me to my core. I found out that Stanley had visited one of my friends one night and that him and one of my best friends had kissed one night at a club we went to for New Year's eve. I went nuts. I never expected my best friend to hurt me like that, or Stanley for that matter.

Things went from bad to worse. I felt like Stanley was talking to and spending too much time with his ex wife and a few of the women in the neighborhood. I was still so hurt over what had happened with one of my best friends. yeah, it was just a kiss, but to me he might as well had fully cheated on me because it felt the same.

Things had gotten really ugly between us. We were fighting all the time and I really thought I was losing my mind. One night I was in bed when he got home from work. He was mad because I was in bed and that he had to cook, so he made me get up. I knew we were gonna fight, that's why I was in bed. Once I got up it got ugly fast and the next thing I knew I had slapped him and he had punched me and we were both sitting in jail.

If sitting in jail don't get your attention, nothing will. Again I prayed. I prayed hard too. I just knew we were going to lose the kids because we had hit each other. They were outside when it happened, but I think they were looking in the window.

The next morning we both got bailed out by our parents. They told us we couldn't see each other until after we went to court. I was ok with that because to me, it was over. I had enough. It didn't take long for me to realize that I didn't want it to be over. I believe while we forced to be apart, I truly realized just how much I loved Stanley. I had been with him for a long time, yeah we had a lot of problems, but for some reason we were staying together.

We finally went to court after a couple of weeks of being apart. I had never been in trouble before so they diverted mine. Stanley got a 4th degree assault charge. Things started to really change again for Stanley and I after that.

Then some time later, my family was fighting. Mom had caused so much trouble for my brother, that my brother couldn't take it anymore, and then Dexter told something on my mom to keep himself out of trouble, and then mom was arrested because of it and things went downhill from there. My sister and brother and I were fighting, I was the only one talking to mom, and I was at my wits end. I missed my dad, and I was missing him so much that I just couldn't take it anymore.

I had smoked for 18 years and I prayed for God to help me quit. The next thing I knew I was quit. then I met this sweet older lady who had a place of fellowship and wanted me to come. I had heard the song Jesus Take The Wheel, and when I got home I downloaded it. All the kids were at school, Stanley was at work, my sister and I were not talking unless it was ugly, and I was at the end of my rope.

I played the song and began to ball like a baby. I got down on the floor, on my face and began to talk to God. I knew I was saved when I was little, but Satan had made me doubt it so I went through all the steps, telling God that I just needed to be sure. I begged God to forgive me for being away for so long and I started confessing my sins to him. I talked to God for a long time that day. It must have been a few hours. I asked God to reveal himself to me. I told him I would go wherever he wanted me to go, and I would do whatever he wanted me to do, I just needed him to reveal himself to me.

That evening, Stanley came home from work. I was sitting in the chair with tears in my eyes. I told Stanley that I didn't care if he went or not, but that I was going to go to church. He said ok, he would go to.

We started going to a place called "The House Of Prayer". This older lady and her husband and another woman and her daughter were the only ones who went. It wasn't a church, but God put her in my path for a reason. She got me ready to go back to church. She was teaching me the basics. It didn't take too long before we figured out that she believed differently from us and that we needed to be in an actual church.

I prayed for God to lead us to the right church. I even prayed that he would send a person to represent a church to our door and we would go there. The next day there was a knock on the door and it was a Jehovah's Witness. I politely took her literature and closed the door while telling God "That's funny".

I prayed again that God would lead us to the right church. We had been planning on going to Calvary Baptist, and at the last minute Stanley said we should go to the place I went to as a child. So we did, we went to Rosebower that morning and I can tell you that I knew I was in the right place the second I walked in the door.

I hadn't been there in 24 years, but I felt like I was home. A little over a month of being there, all of my kids were saved and baptized. I will never forget the day that Stanley and all of the kids but Tanner were going to be baptized. I knew Tanner had been under conviction, and Satan was working hard to keep from making a decision. I prayed and prayed so hard for Tanner all the way to church. then I prayed for him in Sunday School, then I prayed for him during the service, then I prayed for him during the invitation ... I almost fell to my knees when I seen him go forward during the invitation. All I could do is cry. God is so Good.

I guess one of the reasons I decided to tell my testimony is because you can't see where someone is or where they are going unless you know where they have been. I get a lot of questions from people when they see Brianna, some people will come right out and ask, others want to but don't. I'm sure some people will read this and run and gossip about it. Some people will be blessed by it, and some will never read it. Some will possibly think worse of me. All of that is ok.

I don't particularly like telling my story, I just felt I needed to. I just hope that people see the grace of God through my testimony. There is nothing in my testimony that glorifies me at all, it's all about the glory of God. He is awesome and so forgiving. I don't feel unloved and unaccepted now that I am back on the path with God. I feel totally accepted, loved unconditionally, and a happiness that is indescribable.

I am so thankful to God that he wouldn't let Stanley and I part. He knew we would finally find our way back to him and start living the life he wants us to have. I am so thankful to have Stanley in my life. Stanley is an awesome husband and father. He is truly the love of my life.

I pray that if you don't feel the love of God right now, that you search for him and find him. He will give it to you. God bless!

Praises, Lessons, & Blessings - Oh My!

Well praise the Lord, what a beautiful day this has been! I love going to church and being with my brothers and sisters and hearing from the Lord. I could live at church, no really. I love going to church, and I truly love my church family. There is just something about being surrounded by godly people that put you in a true worship state of mind.

Today our Sunday school teacher went over a few lessons we had missed. I don’t know about anyone else, but I sure needed to hear those lessons. See I had been dealing with conflict, not directly, but if I hadn’t called upon a trusted friend, I would have been directly involved because I would have said what I had to say (in not so nice of way), and made a total fool of myself. But, thankfully the Lord led me to this friend instead, and this person put my head back on straight for me.

You know you have a godly friend when they don’t tell you what you want to hear, but they tell you what God would want you to hear. I wish all my friends were that way. I’m learning to search for godly friends, not to say I don’t have friends that aren’t in church, because I do. I believe God puts us all in each other’s lives for a reason. I pray that my friends that aren’t in church will start going to church and feel the love and joy I feel when I am surrounded by people who truly care about me. It is almost as awesome as knowing that Jesus died to save me from my sins…ALMOST!

Well I hope you all are having a glorious day today too. If not, I’ll pray that you do. God bless you!

Did You Know?

That Diabetes is the 4th leading cause of death in the US? Well it is and that scares me because my oldest son has it. I have been praying so hard that he will get the insulin pump. The pump is very similiar to a pancreas, and it will make a huge difference in my son’s life. God has already answered one prayer, and that is the insurance will completely cover the cost of the pump. Pumps run around $6,000-$10,000. We are a family of 6 with one income, so I was a bit worried about paying a big co-pay. God came through for us as always. God is so good!

Why Is It ... ?

That when your life seems on track, you know your living for God, your doing what God wants you to do, that Satan can step in and steal all of your joy? You expect Satan when your doing wrong, but when your doing right, you tend to blow him off like he’s nothing, and then SMACK, there he is.

I keep telling myself that good always wins over evil. I know that God has a blessing for me on the other side of this trying time. I’m just trying not to miss the lesson here. God please let me learn the lesson. Amen!

I do have to praise God for all the godly people he has put in our life. It is a true blessing to be surrounded by loving Christian people who truly care about us and our spiritual needs. I thank God for all he does and I know that everything I do, he has given me the strength to do it. Philippians 4:13

It amazes me how much our lives have changed since rededicating our lives to Christ a year and a half ago. If you think God can’t use you, your so wrong … he can use you if you let him.

Thank you God for all you have done in our lives. Thank you for your love and mercy. Please forgive us for all the bad and help us turn them to good. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen!

Enjoying The Day

I woke up this morning to the sound of my boys and their friend playing the X-BOX. Stanley and his dad are fishing with some of the men from church. Brianna is at a friends house. It is a beautiful day!

I was suppose to go to the Christian Life & Witness Course this morning, but circumstances beyond my control kept me at home. I’m glad that they are having make-up classes. I already have my counselor application signed by the pastor. I am looking forward to being a counselor, I think it will benefit me as well as other people. It is amazing how much you learn and grow in your relationship with Christ by helping others.

God is great and I am off to enjoy this wonderful day that he has made. Have a great and glorious day!

God Is Good

I just want to take this time to praise God for all the wonderful things he does in my life each and every day.

I'm Back

I have been away from blogging for so long that I forgot I had a blog. I have missed blogging but really haven’t had the time. You know your busy when you don’t have time to blog. A lot has happened since my last post. We have moved into our new house. We are still fixing it up (slowly but surely), and we still have boxes to unpack, mainly wall decor and knick knacks, but we are getting there.

This semester of school is almost over and if things turn out the way I want them to, then I will have a GPA of 3.5 and will make the Dean’s List. God is so good! I will be applying for the nursing program in Spring 08′ and I am so excited!

My oldest son may be getting the insulin pump after a lot of stressing out and praying. We go back to Vandy at the end of the month and they are making it a pre-pump assessment. Thank God! The pump will completely change our lives and possibly save my son’s. Hopefully I will be able to blog more regularly, if not, I’ll blog when I can.

Have a great day & God bless!