COFFEE IS MY BLOOD TYPE

Coffee is my drink; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz: It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal™: For thou art with me; thy cream and thy Sweet n Low™, they comfort me. Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Starbucks™: Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over. Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life: And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever. ~Author Unknown

Anisocoria

A few years ago we went to Six Flags and I rode that crazy Superman ride, and when I got off, I had a headache and my right eye was blurred, and my husband told me we needed to go to the ER because my right eye was dilated so big that he could barely see the color of my eye.  I did not go, thinking it was nothing.  It continued, and it was causing me some problems. The doctors were very concerned and I had numerous CAT SCANS and MRI's, and seen eye doctors, opthamologists, neurologists, etc. and no one could figure out why my eye was dilating.  I was also having migraines and sinus problems, so I had sinus surgery and they put me on Lexapro to prevent the migraines, and then the dilating stopped.

Well now, to my knowledge, I have no sinus infection, but I have always had sinus problems, and I have bad allergies.  I have not been having migraines or eye pain, but now my right eye is starting to dilate again.  I also noticed that the same eye droops a little.  I know when my eye dilates because it is very hard to read or even see, because my vision is so blurred.

This has me concerned.  I went through nursing school, I know that anisocoria could mean several things, including some things that are very serious.  All I know is that it is very bothersome to me, and it scares Stanley when he sees it.  So I guess I will have to have all of these tests again.  I just pray that they will figure it out this time and they can stop it.  God willing, they will.

Things Have To Get Better ... Eventually

It came to my attention several months ago that I suffer from depression. It's not so bad that I want to hurt myself, it's just causing me to want to stay home, sleep, and stay away from the people I love. I don't know what triggered it, but the latest news of my mother's condition surely has not helped it.

I finally went to the doctor today and asked for some help. Although I know that a pill is not going to make me happy, or make the possibility of losing my mother any easier ... It surely will help the hopelessness I feel, the lack of interest in things I once enjoyed, and maybe, just maybe, it will keep the tears from falling quite so often.

I think it started when I graduated from nursing school. In nursing school you bond with people who know exactly what you are going through. You spend lots of time together, and become a family. I haven't seen hardly any of my friends from nursing school since graduation. So I don't have that support system anymore.

It feels kind of like losing your best friend ... which in a way, that happened to. My best friend moved out in February and I have seen her twice since. She works a very tiring schedule, and rarely has time for her own family. I miss her.

My husband does not understand how I feel, and that isn't his fault, it is hard to sympathise with someone when you have never been through that something before. So it is hard for him to be supportive.  I know lately that my depression has caused some issues with us, and recognizing that is half the battle I suppose.

The doctor put me on Pristiq. I am hoping it helps. I am praying it helps. Surely I can't feel any worse than I do right now.  Prayers would be greatly appreciated.

A Song Says It All

I was sure by now,God,
that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.


And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

Even though I am depressed and upset about a situation that I thought God had already taken care of, I know I must keep praising Him through this storm because He has plans, and even though I do not understand His plans, and I want to step in and do something, I must wait patiently on Him. Not easy to do when there are timelines, but I am asking God to give me the strength to endure and wait. His will, not mine, His timing, not mine. Amen

Where You Lead I Will Follow

I have been feeling like God wants more from me. I feel like I do not do enough in church, or in life, to serve and bring honor and glory to Him. I would also really like to be involved with a Bible study, and would start my own, but not sure anyone would come. I also feel like God wants me to get closer to the people in my church, but we live so far away from everybody else.

I guess I will continue to pray and see where God leads me. All I know is that if you are a Christian, you are good enough, and in fact, called by God to serve Him. I have let people convince me otherwise, so shame on me. I grow closer to God when I serve. So I know God wants me to serve, and He wants you too. I don't care how I serve as long as God wants me to do it. Wherever He leads, I'll go.

Show Me What I'm Looking For

(Click on the title above to watch the video)

Wait, I'm wrong
Should've done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist

So show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
To save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused

Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

God Doesn't Believe in Athiests

It takes more faith to believe in evolution than to believe that God exists. For those who believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and died on the cross to save us from our sins ... Well, to quote my husband, "We can see God around us, and we can feel his holy spirit inside of us." We see and feel God every single day. You can't argue with that. But one can definitely argue with the "Big Bang Theory".

Open a Bible, and let God speak to you. Trust in Him and He will never leave you or forsake you.

Make sure you have placed your faith in the right place. Your eternity depends on it.