Anisocoria

A few years ago we went to Six Flags and I rode that crazy Superman ride, and when I got off, I had a headache and my right eye was blurred, and my husband told me we needed to go to the ER because my right eye was dilated so big that he could barely see the color of my eye.  I did not go, thinking it was nothing.  It continued, and it was causing me some problems. The doctors were very concerned and I had numerous CAT SCANS and MRI's, and seen eye doctors, opthamologists, neurologists, etc. and no one could figure out why my eye was dilating.  I was also having migraines and sinus problems, so I had sinus surgery and they put me on Lexapro to prevent the migraines, and then the dilating stopped.

Well now, to my knowledge, I have no sinus infection, but I have always had sinus problems, and I have bad allergies.  I have not been having migraines or eye pain, but now my right eye is starting to dilate again.  I also noticed that the same eye droops a little.  I know when my eye dilates because it is very hard to read or even see, because my vision is so blurred.

This has me concerned.  I went through nursing school, I know that anisocoria could mean several things, including some things that are very serious.  All I know is that it is very bothersome to me, and it scares Stanley when he sees it.  So I guess I will have to have all of these tests again.  I just pray that they will figure it out this time and they can stop it.  God willing, they will.

Things Have To Get Better ... Eventually

It came to my attention several months ago that I suffer from depression. It's not so bad that I want to hurt myself, it's just causing me to want to stay home, sleep, and stay away from the people I love. I don't know what triggered it, but the latest news of my mother's condition surely has not helped it.

I finally went to the doctor today and asked for some help. Although I know that a pill is not going to make me happy, or make the possibility of losing my mother any easier ... It surely will help the hopelessness I feel, the lack of interest in things I once enjoyed, and maybe, just maybe, it will keep the tears from falling quite so often.

I think it started when I graduated from nursing school. In nursing school you bond with people who know exactly what you are going through. You spend lots of time together, and become a family. I haven't seen hardly any of my friends from nursing school since graduation. So I don't have that support system anymore.

It feels kind of like losing your best friend ... which in a way, that happened to. My best friend moved out in February and I have seen her twice since. She works a very tiring schedule, and rarely has time for her own family. I miss her.

My husband does not understand how I feel, and that isn't his fault, it is hard to sympathise with someone when you have never been through that something before. So it is hard for him to be supportive.  I know lately that my depression has caused some issues with us, and recognizing that is half the battle I suppose.

The doctor put me on Pristiq. I am hoping it helps. I am praying it helps. Surely I can't feel any worse than I do right now.  Prayers would be greatly appreciated.