Epiphany

After talking with my sister yesterday, I realized that my walk with Christ has changed.  A few things have happened over the years that have left my feelings hurt, and even though I have forgiven, I have not forgotten, and it has changed me.

I haven't been going to church like I did, mainly because of my work schedule, but there are times I don't go just because I don't want to.

I don't serve like I used to.

I don't pray like I used to.

I don't read my Bible like I used to.

I don't feel that closeness like I used to ... That "on-fire" feeling like I used to.

When I served before, I served because I love God so much I wanted to do anything and everything I could for him, not because I wanted to say "Hey, Look at me, look how important I am."

I was on fire for God, I wanted to be in church every minute I could be.  I wanted God to correct me when I had done wrong.  I wanted to feel conviction.  I wanted to do everything I could possibly do to serve, but words and actions by other people made me feel unworthy.

I am to blame, don't get me wrong, I am not blaming it on what has happened to me, I am the one allowing it to do this.  But I want to say this ...

Don't ever act like someone is not Christian enough to serve in Church, or good enough to share the gospel and bring someone to Christ.  Don't ever hurt someone's feelings on purpose and claim it was out of "love"... because your actions could place stumbling blocks in front of your brother or sister in Christ. 

If we do those things, and then act like we are better because we have been a Christian longer, been in church longer, taught longer, served longer, or have more money, or study the Bible more, or whatever the case may be ... we are no better.  We are not to judge to be mean, or to decide who is "good enough" to serve.  God calls us ALL to serve, and to share the gospel.  Jesus died for my sins just like he died for your sins.  So don't ever think you are better than anyone else, because you are not.  WE ALL FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD!

Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I am going to run some errands, and then go to bed (for work tonight) and have a long talk with God and see if I can't get myself back on track with Him.  Please pray for me.

Also pray for a health issue ... it may be nothing, but I am worried and stressing and I need to just give it to God.

March For Babies

As a nurse in Labor & Delivery, I see sick babies, and babies born too early on a constant basis. This breaks my heart. Babies born too early have to stay in a NICU and usually can't spend much time with their mom & dad.  :-(

I'm very excited to be a part of March for Babies this year. Please help me reach my goal by making a donation to my walk. It's easy and secure - just click the link below to make your donation.

Your gift will fund March of Dimes research and programs that help moms have full-term pregnancies and babies begin healthy lives. And it will be used to bring comfort and information to families with a baby in newborn intensive care.

Please support this important work. You can make a donation with your credit card or debit card online by clicking the link below.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/Cindy_Stevenson

Thank you for helping me give all babies a healthy start!  God bless!

WARNING

I call it like I see it!! There is no in between, it is either BLACK or WHITE, RIGHT or WRONG, HEAVEN or HELL.  Everything in life is a choice, it is up to us what we choose ...  however there is NO IN BETWEEN!!! ~copied from a friend on Facebook, and I agree!

COFFEE IS MY BLOOD TYPE

Coffee is my drink; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz: It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal™: For thou art with me; thy cream and thy Sweet n Low™, they comfort me. Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Starbucks™: Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over. Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life: And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever. ~Author Unknown

Anisocoria

A few years ago we went to Six Flags and I rode that crazy Superman ride, and when I got off, I had a headache and my right eye was blurred, and my husband told me we needed to go to the ER because my right eye was dilated so big that he could barely see the color of my eye.  I did not go, thinking it was nothing.  It continued, and it was causing me some problems. The doctors were very concerned and I had numerous CAT SCANS and MRI's, and seen eye doctors, opthamologists, neurologists, etc. and no one could figure out why my eye was dilating.  I was also having migraines and sinus problems, so I had sinus surgery and they put me on Lexapro to prevent the migraines, and then the dilating stopped.

Well now, to my knowledge, I have no sinus infection, but I have always had sinus problems, and I have bad allergies.  I have not been having migraines or eye pain, but now my right eye is starting to dilate again.  I also noticed that the same eye droops a little.  I know when my eye dilates because it is very hard to read or even see, because my vision is so blurred.

This has me concerned.  I went through nursing school, I know that anisocoria could mean several things, including some things that are very serious.  All I know is that it is very bothersome to me, and it scares Stanley when he sees it.  So I guess I will have to have all of these tests again.  I just pray that they will figure it out this time and they can stop it.  God willing, they will.

Things Have To Get Better ... Eventually

It came to my attention several months ago that I suffer from depression. It's not so bad that I want to hurt myself, it's just causing me to want to stay home, sleep, and stay away from the people I love. I don't know what triggered it, but the latest news of my mother's condition surely has not helped it.

I finally went to the doctor today and asked for some help. Although I know that a pill is not going to make me happy, or make the possibility of losing my mother any easier ... It surely will help the hopelessness I feel, the lack of interest in things I once enjoyed, and maybe, just maybe, it will keep the tears from falling quite so often.

I think it started when I graduated from nursing school. In nursing school you bond with people who know exactly what you are going through. You spend lots of time together, and become a family. I haven't seen hardly any of my friends from nursing school since graduation. So I don't have that support system anymore.

It feels kind of like losing your best friend ... which in a way, that happened to. My best friend moved out in February and I have seen her twice since. She works a very tiring schedule, and rarely has time for her own family. I miss her.

My husband does not understand how I feel, and that isn't his fault, it is hard to sympathise with someone when you have never been through that something before. So it is hard for him to be supportive.  I know lately that my depression has caused some issues with us, and recognizing that is half the battle I suppose.

The doctor put me on Pristiq. I am hoping it helps. I am praying it helps. Surely I can't feel any worse than I do right now.  Prayers would be greatly appreciated.

A Song Says It All

I was sure by now,God,
that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.


And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

Even though I am depressed and upset about a situation that I thought God had already taken care of, I know I must keep praising Him through this storm because He has plans, and even though I do not understand His plans, and I want to step in and do something, I must wait patiently on Him. Not easy to do when there are timelines, but I am asking God to give me the strength to endure and wait. His will, not mine, His timing, not mine. Amen

Where You Lead I Will Follow

I have been feeling like God wants more from me. I feel like I do not do enough in church, or in life, to serve and bring honor and glory to Him. I would also really like to be involved with a Bible study, and would start my own, but not sure anyone would come. I also feel like God wants me to get closer to the people in my church, but we live so far away from everybody else.

I guess I will continue to pray and see where God leads me. All I know is that if you are a Christian, you are good enough, and in fact, called by God to serve Him. I have let people convince me otherwise, so shame on me. I grow closer to God when I serve. So I know God wants me to serve, and He wants you too. I don't care how I serve as long as God wants me to do it. Wherever He leads, I'll go.

Show Me What I'm Looking For

(Click on the title above to watch the video)

Wait, I'm wrong
Should've done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist

So show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
To save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused

Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

God Doesn't Believe in Athiests

It takes more faith to believe in evolution than to believe that God exists. For those who believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and died on the cross to save us from our sins ... Well, to quote my husband, "We can see God around us, and we can feel his holy spirit inside of us." We see and feel God every single day. You can't argue with that. But one can definitely argue with the "Big Bang Theory".

Open a Bible, and let God speak to you. Trust in Him and He will never leave you or forsake you.

Make sure you have placed your faith in the right place. Your eternity depends on it.

Just One More Hurdle

Well I finally graduated from nursing school ... Well, pinned actually, graduation isn't until May, but doubtful I go. I can't believe it's finally over. It seems like I just started school in some ways, and in others, it feels like it has been forever.

I am just so thankful to God for his many blessings, and for seeing me through. I just have one more hurdle to cross, and that is my state board exam. It is soon. I am studying a little everyday until I take it, and I have faith that I will do fine. God wouldn't have led me to it if he wasn't on planning on getting me through it!

Just please be in prayer for me, that I will not be nervous (I have serious test anxiety), and that I will pass boards and then all I have to worry about is all of my training and orientation. Thanks so much!

God bless!

Pray For Me

I’m studying for nursing school finals!  It’s almost over!  PRAISE GOD!

Reflecting ...

Nursing school is hard! Getting accepted into nursing school is hard! But here I am just 2 and a half weeks from being finished. WOW!

I can't take all the credit though, actually none of the credit. ... 3 years ago I felt led to go to nursing school, and had absolutely no faith in my abilities to be able to do it. I prayed about it, and God told me "Ask, Seek, and Knock.", and He told me to take a leap of faith, that He would be with me the whole way if I trusted in Him. I did, I trusted Him completely, and He was there the whole way, and many times He carried me :)

I owe it all to Him ... It just goes to show that God will not ever lead you to do something that He won't help you get through or do. I praise Him! I thank Him! And I know that I am doing His will by being a nurse ... Now if I only knew what department He wanted me in ...

Prayer Request

My family is in need of prayer. I won't go into any details as some things need not be made public (even prayer requests), but just ask that you keep my entire family in your prayers, God knows what is happening. Thank you.