My Corner Of The World

Epiphany

2011-06-16T13:01:00.002-05:00

After talking with my sister yesterday, I realized that my walk with Christ has changed. A few things have happened over the years that have left my feelings hurt, and even though I have forgiven, I have not forgotten, and it has changed me.

I haven't been going to church like I did, mainly because of my work schedule, but there are times I don't go just because I don't want to.

I don't serve like I used to.

I don't pray like I used to.

I don't read my Bible like I used to.

I don't feel that closeness like I used to ... That "on-fire" feeling like I used to.

When I served before, I served because I love God so much I wanted to do anything and everything I could for him, not because I wanted to say "Hey, Look at me, look how important I am."

I was on fire for God, I wanted to be in church every minute I could be. I wanted God to correct me when I had done wrong. I wanted to feel conviction. I wanted to do everything I could possibly do to serve, but words and actions by other people made me feel unworthy.

I am to blame, don't get me wrong, I am not blaming it on what has happened to me, I am the one allowing it to do this. But I want to say this ...

Don't ever act like someone is not Christian enough to serve in Church, or good enough to share the gospel and bring someone to Christ. Don't ever hurt someone's feelings on purpose and claim it was out of "love"... because your actions could place stumbling blocks in front of your brother or sister in Christ.

If we do those things, and then act like we are better because we have been a Christian longer, been in church longer, taught longer, served longer, or have more money, or study the Bible more, or whatever the case may be ... we are no better. We are not to judge to be mean, or to decide who is "good enough" to serve. God calls us ALL to serve, and to share the gospel. Jesus died for my sins just like he died for your sins. So don't ever think you are better than anyone else, because you are not. WE ALL FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD!

Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I am going to run some errands, and then go to bed (for work tonight) and have a long talk with God and see if I can't get myself back on track with Him. Please pray for me.

Also pray for a health issue ... it may be nothing, but I am worried and stressing and I need to just give it to God.

March For Babies

2011-04-29T07:23:00.001-05:00

As a nurse in Labor & Delivery, I see sick babies, and babies born too early on a constant basis. This breaks my heart. Babies born too early have to stay in a NICU and usually can't spend much time with their mom & dad. :-(

I'm very excited to be a part of March for Babies this year. Please help me reach my goal by making a donation to my walk. It's easy and secure - just click the link below to make your donation.

Your gift will fund March of Dimes research and programs that help moms have full-term pregnancies and babies begin healthy lives. And it will be used to bring comfort and information to families with a baby in newborn intensive care.

Please support this important work. You can make a donation with your credit card or debit card online by clicking the link below.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/Cindy_Stevenson

Thank you for helping me give all babies a healthy start! God bless!

WARNING

2011-01-31T17:02:00.000-06:00

I call it like I see it!! There is no in between, it is either BLACK or WHITE, RIGHT or WRONG, HEAVEN or HELL. Everything in life is a choice, it is up to us what we choose ... however there is NO IN BETWEEN!!! ~copied from a friend on Facebook, and I agree!

COFFEE IS MY BLOOD TYPE

2010-10-11T17:11:00.000-05:00

Coffee is my drink; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz: It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal™: For thou art with me; thy cream and thy Sweet n Low™, they comfort me. Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Starbucks™: Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over. Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life: And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever. ~Author Unknown

Anisocoria

2010-07-13T07:28:00.000-05:00

A few years ago we went to Six Flags and I rode that crazy Superman ride, and when I got off, I had a headache and my right eye was blurred, and my husband told me we needed to go to the ER because my right eye was dilated so big that he could barely see the color of my eye. I did not go, thinking it was nothing. It continued, and it was causing me some problems. The doctors were very concerned and I had numerous CAT SCANS and MRI's, and seen eye doctors, opthamologists, neurologists, etc. and no one could figure out why my eye was dilating. I was also having migraines and sinus problems, so I had sinus surgery and they put me on Lexapro to prevent the migraines, and then the dilating stopped.

Well now, to my knowledge, I have no sinus infection, but I have always had sinus problems, and I have bad allergies. I have not been having migraines or eye pain, but now my right eye is starting to dilate again. I also noticed that the same eye droops a little. I know when my eye dilates because it is very hard to read or even see, because my vision is so blurred.

This has me concerned. I went through nursing school, I know that anisocoria could mean several things, including some things that are very serious. All I know is that it is very bothersome to me, and it scares Stanley when he sees it. So I guess I will have to have all of these tests again. I just pray that they will figure it out this time and they can stop it. God willing, they will.

Things Have To Get Better ... Eventually

2010-07-07T12:27:00.000-05:00

It came to my attention several months ago that I suffer from depression. It's not so bad that I want to hurt myself, it's just causing me to want to stay home, sleep, and stay away from the people I love. I don't know what triggered it, but the latest news of my mother's condition surely has not helped it.

I finally went to the doctor today and asked for some help. Although I know that a pill is not going to make me happy, or make the possibility of losing my mother any easier ... It surely will help the hopelessness I feel, the lack of interest in things I once enjoyed, and maybe, just maybe, it will keep the tears from falling quite so often.

I think it started when I graduated from nursing school. In nursing school you bond with people who know exactly what you are going through. You spend lots of time together, and become a family. I haven't seen hardly any of my friends from nursing school since graduation. So I don't have that support system anymore.

It feels kind of like losing your best friend ... which in a way, that happened to. My best friend moved out in February and I have seen her twice since. She works a very tiring schedule, and rarely has time for her own family. I miss her.

My husband does not understand how I feel, and that isn't his fault, it is hard to sympathise with someone when you have never been through that something before. So it is hard for him to be supportive. I know lately that my depression has caused some issues with us, and recognizing that is half the battle I suppose.

The doctor put me on Pristiq. I am hoping it helps. I am praying it helps. Surely I can't feel any worse than I do right now. Prayers would be greatly appreciated.

A Song Says It All

2010-06-23T09:46:00.000-05:00

I was sure by now,God,
that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.

Even though I am depressed and upset about a situation that I thought God had already taken care of, I know I must keep praising Him through this storm because He has plans, and even though I do not understand His plans, and I want to step in and do something, I must wait patiently on Him. Not easy to do when there are timelines, but I am asking God to give me the strength to endure and wait. His will, not mine, His timing, not mine. Amen

Where You Lead I Will Follow

2010-05-18T08:46:00.003-05:00

I have been feeling like God wants more from me. I feel like I do not do enough in church, or in life, to serve and bring honor and glory to Him. I would also really like to be involved with a Bible study, and would start my own, but not sure anyone would come. I also feel like God wants me to get closer to the people in my church, but we live so far away from everybody else.

I guess I will continue to pray and see where God leads me. All I know is that if you are a Christian, you are good enough, and in fact, called by God to serve Him. I have let people convince me otherwise, so shame on me. I grow closer to God when I serve. So I know God wants me to serve, and He wants you too. I don't care how I serve as long as God wants me to do it. Wherever He leads, I'll go.

Show Me What I'm Looking For

2010-03-18T10:24:00.001-05:00

(Click on the title above to watch the video)

Wait, I'm wrong
Should've done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist

So show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
To save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused

Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

God Doesn't Believe in Athiests

2010-03-17T09:25:00.003-05:00

It takes more faith to believe in evolution than to believe that God exists. For those who believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and died on the cross to save us from our sins ... Well, to quote my husband, "We can see God around us, and we can feel his holy spirit inside of us." We see and feel God every single day. You can't argue with that. But one can definitely argue with the "Big Bang Theory".

Open a Bible, and let God speak to you. Trust in Him and He will never leave you or forsake you.

Make sure you have placed your faith in the right place. Your eternity depends on it.

Just One More Hurdle

2009-12-23T13:45:00.002-06:00

Well I finally graduated from nursing school ... Well, pinned actually, graduation isn't until May, but doubtful I go. I can't believe it's finally over. It seems like I just started school in some ways, and in others, it feels like it has been forever.

I am just so thankful to God for his many blessings, and for seeing me through. I just have one more hurdle to cross, and that is my state board exam. It is soon. I am studying a little everyday until I take it, and I have faith that I will do fine. God wouldn't have led me to it if he wasn't on planning on getting me through it!

Just please be in prayer for me, that I will not be nervous (I have serious test anxiety), and that I will pass boards and then all I have to worry about is all of my training and orientation. Thanks so much!

God bless!

Pray For Me

2009-10-30T19:55:00.001-05:00

I’m studying for nursing school finals! It’s almost over! PRAISE GOD!

Reflecting ...

2009-10-20T08:10:00.003-05:00

Nursing school is hard! Getting accepted into nursing school is hard! But here I am just 2 and a half weeks from being finished. WOW!

I can't take all the credit though, actually none of the credit. ... 3 years ago I felt led to go to nursing school, and had absolutely no faith in my abilities to be able to do it. I prayed about it, and God told me "Ask, Seek, and Knock.", and He told me to take a leap of faith, that He would be with me the whole way if I trusted in Him. I did, I trusted Him completely, and He was there the whole way, and many times He carried me :)

I owe it all to Him ... It just goes to show that God will not ever lead you to do something that He won't help you get through or do. I praise Him! I thank Him! And I know that I am doing His will by being a nurse ... Now if I only knew what department He wanted me in ...

Prayer Request

2009-09-18T12:48:00.004-05:00

My family is in need of prayer. I won't go into any details as some things need not be made public (even prayer requests), but just ask that you keep my entire family in your prayers, God knows what is happening. Thank you.

My Spiritual Gifts

2009-08-28T17:36:00.003-05:00

I took a quiz that my son brought home from his youth group. It is supposed to help you figure out your spiritual gifts. I already had an idea of mine since I watched a series that Charles Stanley did on the subject, but decided to take it and see what it said.

I scored a 15 in Mercy:

A person who is gifted in the area of mercy has immediate compassion for those suffering physically, mentally, or emotionally. He/She derives great joy in meeting the needs of others, and often has a tendency to attract people who are in distress.(VERY TRUE) He/She usually has a need for friendships in which there are deep communication and mutual commitment, and has the ability to draw out the feelings of others while also being vulnerable to hurts, both personally and to those which others are experiencing. Often, he/she would rather remove the causes of hurts than look for benefits from them. He/She has a tendency to avoid confrontation and firmness, and often closes his/her spirit to others whom he/she feels are overly harsh or critical.(SO ME) If you scored high in this area, you should consider being involved in a ministry that enables you to minister to those who are hurting and who need the sensitivity you have to offer. (I think Nursing falls into that ministry, but I also plan on visiting people in the hospital once I start working and have the time.)

I scored a 14 in Exhortation:

A person who is gifted in the area of exhortation has a special ability to encourage others in the Body of Christ by giving them needed words of comfort, courage, and counsel in times of need or crisis. (I've often thought I should be a counselor as well as a nurse) He/She is especially attracted to individuals who are genuinely seeking spiritual growth and often is willing to share past personal failures to help motivate others toward greater spiritual maturity. He/She is able to make accurate assessments of spiritual needs, and has the ability to explain truth with logical reasoning, giving step-by-step instructions which are easy to follow. If you scored high in this area, you should consider being involved in an area that enables you to use your strengths to minister one-on-one with people in need.

I scored a 12 in Prophecy:

A person who is gifted in the area of prophecy has the ability to proclaim God's truth without compromise. He/She has strong convictions and expects others to as well. He/She has the need to express himself/herself verbally, especially regarding right and wrong and may be quick to make judgments of others and to speak his/her opinion.(That's so me) He/she may be painfully direct when correcting others, possessing an unusual ability to discern the sincerity of others (Oh yeah, and Stanley really has that gift). He/She is persuasive in defining right and wrong, and is very persistent in expressing his/her feelings regarding needs for change. (AMEN) If you scored high in this area, you should look for a ministry wherein you can challenge others to live by God's standards as set forth in His Word.

I scored a 12 in Service:

A person gifted in the area of service has the ability to perform any task with joy that benefits others and meets practical needs. (I LOVE HELPING OTHERS) He/She may have the tendency to disregard personal health and comfort to serve others. he/She often has an attention for details, and appreciates having clear instructions to follow. (OH YEAH, AND FEELING NEEDED IS VERY IMPORTANT TOO.) He/She enjoys the process of serving. (YES) If you scored high in this area, you should consider being involved in a ministry in which your strengths of faithfulness and attention can be utilized. (I TRY TO SERVE OTHERS EVERY CHANCE I GET, BUT I FIND IT HARD WHEN I DON'T DO ANYTHING, AND WHEN I DON'T FEEL NEEDED OR APPRECIATED).

Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die (That Will Help Me Grow Spiritually)

2009-08-21T07:18:00.003-05:00

Teach a Sunday School class. (young kids or young adults)
Share my testimony in front of a large group.
Walk a close friend to Christ... or several :)
Help married couples who are having problems.
Witness to a complete stranger.
Sing a solo without puking that fits my vocal range:)
Help someone in need.
Save a life.
Go on a mission trip in another country.
Sing a song with Brianna (my daughter).
Renew my wedding vowels at Rosebower.
Have the courage to do what God puts on my heart without letting others put doubt in my mind.
Show people the true me ... I limit myself and hide myself out of fear.
Work with Hospice and the Red Cross.

It's Been A While ...

2009-07-29T09:24:00.002-05:00

My computer decided some time ago that it did not like my blog anymore because it would show an error and not let me see the front page. I think it must have gotten over it now :)

My life has been very busy of late, school is fixing to start back, and my relaxing summer will be over! But the good news is that I will be done this Decemeber!!! I am so excited!

I have a big to-do list today, so I must get ready to go. Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

I Have Learned ...

2009-06-26T12:01:00.003-05:00

The biggest hypocrites are not the sinners who go to church, but the sinners who go to church saying they didn't sin.

Never tell your problems to anyone but to God or your therapist.

Some people forgive, but some don't.

We tend to always look at others sins as worse than our own, even though they are NOT.

People will judge you and choose not to like you, maybe even with no fault of your own, but it's OK. You will survive!

NEVER let others opinions of you become your reality.

You can never be too bad for Jesus, only too good!

It is possible for you to be too big for God to use, but never to small for God to use. We tend to disagree with that and think only Christians who have been in church all of their lives can do anything. We grow best by reading the Word and by working for God.

When you're accusing others of all they didn't do, their glaring lack reflects right back, and the spotlight points at you!

The Lord love the honest sinner better than the hypocritical self-righteous person.

The smallest package in all the World is a man wrapped up in himself.

Feeling Blessed & Exhausted

2009-06-05T09:22:00.003-05:00

We just finished VBS on Thursday. I love VBS, but for some reason it wore me out this year. Possibly because we had 15-27 kids every night just in our class (5th & 6th). It was a lot of fun, especially seeing the kids getting excited about being able to put a pie in someones face for not knowing the Bible verse.

I know God was working on several of the kids that were in our class, one that we brought, but they haven't made a decision for Christ yet ... but the seeds were planted, the gospel was shared, and I had the opportunity to witness to the girl we brought, and I have faith that she will make a decision, she just isn't ready yet.

A lot of people get anxious or nervous about sharing their faith and witnessing to others. I do when it comes to complete strangers, but if I know someone, it doesn't bother me at all. I have witnessed to several people who are in my life that are lost, and I pray continually that they will be saved before it is too late.

But back to VBS ... I think all of the VBS workers did a great job this year, and the kids were amazing! When you have that many kids in one class, you expect them to act up, but they were really good considering. I feel very blessed to have been a part of it! I just hope next year that I am able to do something a little more challenging. ;-) But I thank God for the ability to help whereever needed, and for all the kids that came and heard about HIM.

My Progress

2009-05-26T17:46:00.001-05:00

It has been a little over a month since I started going to the gym (April 22, 2009), and I still have had no major weight loss yet. The scale varies, sometimes it says I’ve lost 4lbs. and sometimes it says I’ve lost 2 lbs. BUT, I measured myself on May 6thth, and then today (May 26, 2009) and I have lost inches!!!

I’ve lost:

1 inch on upper arms
1 1/2 inches on chest
1 inch on waist
½ inch on thighs
½ inch on calves.

So I’ve lost 4 ½ inches total … GO ME!!!

I try to workout everyday, but I started when I was in school and was studying for finals, so I missed a week for that, and then I have missed several days from time to time for reasons beyond my control (gym was closing early, company coming over, not feeling well, etc.) So I would guess that I have really only went about a half of a month, so I think I am doing very well considering.

It was helpful that I listened to a CD my sister burned for me over the 7 deadly sins, and sloth and gluttony really convicted me. Our society is really pushing people to be gluttons with biggie size food and buffets. We should only be eating normal serving sizes, and not until we feel full. It is ok to leave food on our plates, really it is!

Overeating is a major cause of illness in this country … Diabetes is linked with it (type 2 that is), heart disease is linked to it, and vascular disease is linked to it, and high cholesterol and high blood pressure too, as well as other diseases, so maybe we should STOP overeating!!!

Have a great and glorious day!

[Insert Witty Title Here]

2009-05-20T09:22:00.003-05:00

It has been a week since Austen started using his insulin pump, and things are going very well. I am thrilled at how well it is working and how Austen has taken the initiative in taking care of himself. I know how to work his pump, but he has been doing it all himself.

This is my first week of no school and I guess I am enjoying it ... it would be better if I weren't a tad under the weather with allergies, but it is better than driving to Paducah everyday. Although, I have had to drive to Mayfield for Austen's doctor appointment, and will have to again tomorrow to see the dietitian so she can adjust his insulin rates if necessary.

I have started Professor Grant Horner's Bible-Reading System, where you read 10 chapters of the Bible everyday. It is set up so that you are reading Proverbs and Acts completely through in a month, and you are also reading both the Old and New Testaments, which I like. I read my first 10 chapters last night, and plan on doing today's 10 here in a little bit.

God is good all the time, and I am always amazed and in complete awe of how he works!

ALSO, if you would be so kind to check out my sister's blog, she needs some help with getting to the Living Water's Ambassador's Academy that she was accepted into, so if you would like to donate to help her, please visit her blog. You can pay by PayPal or by credit card.

By donating you are entering in a chance to win a great book!

Insulin Pump - Day 1

2009-05-13T09:09:00.003-05:00

Well Austen's first day on the pump was uneventful. He seems to be learning the ropes really well. (Good thing because mom doesn't know how to use it, but I am learning on my own, just in-case) His numbers weren't bad yesterdy, except for one, and that was because he took it off to do some exercise at the BCC and then misread the glucose reading and thought he was low and didn't cover for the food he ate.

They told us Monday night to only get half of his long acting insulin, and then eat breakfast Tuesday morning and not take a shot. Once we arrived at the hospital, she went through the teaching and then he checked his blood sugar and then he put on the pump and gave himself a bolus of insulin. Here are his numbers for day one: (May 12th)

2 hours after breakfast 222
Before lunch 176
2 hours or so after lunch 152 (he thought it said 52 so he ate while at the BCC)
After he got home from BCC 431 (around 8 PM, took a bolus of insulin with the pump)
Bedtime 220
1 AM 209 (May 13th)
3 AM 213
6 AM 186

Because of his age and hormones, they want him to be between 100-140. Once he becomes an adult, they will change that to 100-120.

His monitor that goes with the pump is so cool. As soon as he checks his blood sugar, it sends it straight to the pump without having to do anything. And the bolus wizard calculator on the pump keeps track of all of the bolus' he gets and keeps him from stacking insulin and going too low. It tells him how much insulin was for correction, and how much was for food, and how much is active. It is really a neat invention! Thank God he finally has it. I think Austen will take better care of himself now, because it is easier with the pump.

God Does Answer Prayer

2009-05-12T07:59:00.003-05:00

Today at 9:30 AM we go to JPMC in Mayfield to meet with the Dietitian/Diabetes Care Center Coordinator to have Austen's insulin pump hooked up. It took 5 years of prayer, but God finally answered.

I have plenty of snacks and juice cartons just in case we need them, and I have his Glucagon kit in case of emergency. I need to stop by the store today and get some icing in a tube to keep in my purse. If he is unable to swallow but still conscious, you can put icing in their cheek and it will absorb and keep them from going into a coma.

Austen will love it if he constantly has to eat to keep his blood sugar up, I will be ready to admit myself into a mental hospital ... but that is the difference between a mom and a kid I guess. Kids don't realize how scary this disease is, but as long as you are educated and know what to do, then it helps to be more comfortable. I just don't want him to go so low in the middle of the night that he slips into a coma, that is really all I am worried about.

I know it will be a little scary at first. I will be getting up during the night to make sure he doesn't go too low, and I will be a nervous wreck until he gets leveled out, but it's worth it. God has protected him from eye and kidney damage thus far, so I wonder what God has in store for him.

Please pray that Austen stays in a normal range so that both him and I keep our sanity :) Have a great, glorious, and blessed day! Oh, and don't EVER give up on something you have prayed about, keep praying because God might say yes in His time!

Thank God It's Friday!

2009-05-08T07:42:00.003-05:00

I don't know why I am TGIF for, I have to study this weekend for my lab final in medical micro. I think I'm running out of creative names for my posts :)

I've been going to the gym since April 22nd, and one week I had to miss because of studying for nursing exams and finals, but as of today I have lost 4 lbs!!! I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but it is spot on where I should be, as you are not supposed to lose more than 2 lbs. per week.

I have changed the way I eat. Right now I am just trying to keep my calories under 1500. That means no seconds, and no real fatty foods or junk food. But other than that I am eating what I want. I'd really like to be eating healthy, but eating healthy is expensive. Those changes will have to be made slower. I consider it great progress to lower my calories and go to the gym everyday to work-out ... AND drinking a lot more water than usual :)

PLUS, I've been in God's word everyday since Saturday, which helps to get me spiritually in shape. I know I need that more than being physically in shape. Especially right now, when even though I know I have been forgiven by God and the people I hurt, I feel like there are some who have not forgiven me, and only a few people knew what was going on so that has me puzzled. I am trying hard not to take it personally, and will be praying for God to work in those situations as well. Maybe it's me, I don't know. God got a hold of me and showed me where I was wrong, so I know he can fix anything.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Waiting To Exhale ...

2009-05-07T07:46:00.004-05:00

I have my last final exam on Monday, May 11th at 8:00 AM. It is the lab exam for Medical Microbiology, and it consists of being assigned an unknown bacteria and applying different stains and doing different procedures to find out what bacteria it is. EXCITING! [enter sarcasm here]

I have a very busy week this next week, so please keep me in your prayers. My son gets his pump on May 12th, so he will need your prayers as well since it could cause him to become low at first, and is very scary. My birthday is May 14th (I'll be 35) ... I sometimes feel much older than that. Then on May 15th I have a renewal CPR class. After that I have the summer to rest and recuperate. :-)

Starting in August, I will have one semester left of nursing and then I will be studying for state boards. I cannot wait! I've been in school now for two and half years, and I'm ready to be finished and working in the hospital. It's almost over! Thank God!

The Bible Says ...

2009-05-05T14:13:00.003-05:00

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. - Ephesians 4:31-32

A lot of people told me that it took a lot of courage for me to get in front of the church and apologize to someone I had hurt. I only did what God commanded of me to do. But, in my opinion, it took a lot of courage for the person I hurt to forgive me, because forgiving someone that has hurt you is very hard.

This scripture makes it clear that we are not to be angry, and that we are to love one another, and yes, forgive others the way God forgave us.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Update On Obeying God

2009-05-04T12:17:00.002-05:00

As mentioned in my previous post, God made it clear to me yesterday morning that I was to apologize to a brother in Christ. I did not know how exactly I was going to do it and at the last minute came up with a plan. I told the person I wanted to talk to them after church, but, I had a deep feeling that I was supposed to go down during the invitation and make a public apology. (something I really did not want to do, and I was trying to improvise) God said uh-uh.

Our Pastor preached on obeying God ... is that not a God moment? ... I was like "OK, I understand, I will do this, just please help me do it graciously." I wanted to do it, I needed to do it, I was just scared to death!!! At the time of the invitation my first thought was to just ask the person to come down with me so that I could apologize to both him and the Pastor (another way to improvise), but again, God said no, he had other plans ... I did not have a plan of what to say ... I just asked God to take over and help me do it.

I ended up making a very public apology in front of the whole church, and afterwards hugged my brother in Christ and apologized again. He apologized to me too, which I had not expected and would have been fine if he hadn't of, but it assured me that God had gotten to us both, and that now everything would be OK.

The only downside to this is that I don't think I apologized to my Pastor, and I had intended to, but once I was put in front of the church with a microphone in my hand, I almost forgot my own name ... I don't speak well in front of large groups. Anyway ... Wednesday I plan on making sure to apologize to my pastor as well.

We felt very welcomed back to our home church. I was hugged by tons of people, and it blessed my heart to know that even when you do wrong, your brothers and sisters in Christ will forgive you and love you anyway! God is good, and all I know is that even when it's tough and not the way you want to do something, listening to God is always the best way. I feel so much better now, and I know that both God and my brother have forgiven me, and now I can be back into fellowship with them both!

Obeying God

2009-05-03T11:48:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I was thinking about how God has not given us a clear answer about where to go to church yet. I picked up my In Touch magazine and started to read the daily devotionals and then read some in my Bible. I prayed last night, again, for God to give us an answer we would see. This morning we were watching Faith Center on TV, and then Charles Stanley came on and talked about anger, and how it doesn't matter what someone does to us, we must let go and forgive. Then he told a story about a man that stayed out of church for 5 years over something that Charles Stanley said that made him angry.

I felt so convicted, like God was telling me that in order for me to be forgiven for letting my anger keep me out of my church, I needed to apologize to someone, even though I feel they should apologize to me. I know I have said and done things that have hurt them, and so how can I expect them to do the right thing if I don't? It doesn't matter if they do the right thing or not, I have to do what God says regardless.

I don't know if this means we go back to our church for good, I know the kids really like Pathway, and if it gets them to listen and get fired up for God, than that's fine, but I don't feel like Pathway is home to me. And we have been less involved in church since leaving our home church.

Anyway, I have deleted all of the posts that I made that could have been hurtful to the person I need to apologize to, and if I see more, I will delete them too. I guess I was fooled into thinking that it was OK as long as I didn't mention names, but God knew who I was talking about... I have been very emotional all day since watching Charles Stanley, and even everything that Pastor Mike said seemed to enforce what Charles Stanley said, even though he wasn't saying anything even close ... so I know God is wanting this. Now I just have to swallow my pride, humble myself, and do the right thing ... and that is the hardest part. Please pray for me!

3 Semesters Down, 1 To Go!

2009-05-01T14:36:00.004-05:00

Well today was my last day of nursing 203. We had a potluck dinner and it was delicious! Everyone passed this semester, no one failed, THANK GOD! These people are like family, we spend more time with each other than we do our own family's, and so when we lose one it's hard ... but we didn't, so that's great!

I still have Medical Microbiology until May 11th, May 12th Austen gets his insulin pump installed, then May 14th is my birthday, and then the 15th I have CPR renewal. But after that I am done until August 17th, so I can relax and study 2-4 hours a week to keep up on everything.

I am tired, no I'm beyond tired, I'm suffering from severe information overload. I'm going to go take a nap and then head to the gym ... I haven't been able to workout all week, and I'm ready to burn off some stress!

Why I Hate Mondays

2009-04-28T07:28:00.002-05:00

We have a 2003 Ford Windstar. Yesterday we were on our way to Wal-Mart to buy groceries when all of a sudden the RPM's went up and the van would not go. We pulled off the side of the road, and then it started going again. Apparently it will go as long as you keep the speed below 40 mph.

Stanley called his dad and asked him if he would sell us his 2003 Taurus and let us pay for it with income taxes next year, otherwise we would be without a vehicle and I would have no way to school. We are still plan on fixing the van, as it has a great motor, it doesn't use a drop of oil, but times are hard right now and we do not have the funds to put another transmission in.

We stopped by his parents house to get the car, and I went in to check on my mother-in-law. She had a stroke two weeks ago and her blood pressure has been running high. I checked mine to be able to gage how accurate her monitor was. My BP usually runs 100-110/60-70 so when it said mine was 110/78 I knew it was pretty accurate. She checked hers and it was 201/100, I immediately told her how dangerous it was for her BP to be that high. She said it had been higher than that and nothing happened ... my father-in-law had tried to get her to go to the hospital over the weekend and she wouldn't go.

I told her she was a ticking time bomb waiting for something to happen, and she needed to call her doctor or go to the hospital, I pleaded with her. I called her doctors answering service and they said to go to the emergency room, so my father-in-law took her, and she is still there this morning, but she may get to come home today. They got her BP down to 170 over something, that's better, but it is still way too high.

Please pray for my MIL, pray that God will direct her doctors to make some good changes to her BP meds and it will start keeping her in a normal range, otherwise she could have another stroke, or even a heart attack.

Hip Hip Hooray!

2009-04-23T21:23:00.005-05:00

Austen's insulin pump was delivered via UPS today ... PRAISE THE LORD! Talk about an answer to prayer, and a 5 year prayer at that. It just goes to show you that it is all in HIS time and not ours.

The box was huge and contained everything we could possible need for a while. It even has a device that inserts the IV cannula into his belly fast so that he doesn't have to do it manually. AND it came with a blood sugar monitor that sends the readings to the pump, is that cool or what?

They calculate that he will use 20% less insulin with the pump, and he will definitely get better control. We just have to be diligent about keeping snacks on hand and a Glucagon kit in case he goes too low. But WOW! After 5 years, he finally has the pump!!!! I'm so EXCITED!!!! We just have to wait to use it until we go to the dietitian and get taught how to use it and she has to set it up for him.

I'm amazed at God's mercy and grace, His love is awesome!

Counting It Down

2009-04-22T22:20:00.002-05:00

We have two exams left in the next week of nursing school, and then we are out for the summer. Medical micro will continue thanks to our lovely professor who always changes things on us. Our last lab exam is now on May 11th ... PFFFT!

The pump people called yesterday and they are shipping out Austen's insulin pump. It sure took them long enough!!! It should be here in a few days and then we have to go see the dietitian for her to set it up.

Now ... it's my bedtime, I have worked out for a total of 2 hours and 50 minutes and I'm dog tired :) Have a blessed sleep!

Busy Couple Of Weeks Ahead

2009-04-18T10:37:00.002-05:00

The next couiple of weeks are going to be crazy. I have set up mobile blogging so that I can do it from my phone, but I'm not sure how much time I will have. This is what the next couple of weeks looks like for me. Your prayers would be appreciated, THANKS!!!

Monday April 20, 3009

Medical Microbiology @ 7:45-9:30
Nursing Exam #5 @ 3:30

Wednesday April 22, 2009

Medical Microbiology Lab Exam @ 7:45-9:30
Comprehensive Pharmacology Quiz @ 3:30-4:30

Friday April 24, 2009

All Meds Publishing Campus Labs are Due

Monday April 27, 2009

Disaster Lab

Tuesday April 28, 2009

Nursing Exam #6 @ 2:15-4:00 Anderson Technical Building

Wednesday April 29, 2009

OFF FOR STUDY DAY

Thursday April 30, 2009

HESI Nursing FINAL EXAM @ 2:15-5:15 Anderson Technical Building

Friday May 1, 2009

HESI SCORE REVIEW
Class Potluck

May 4, 2009

Medical Microbiology Final Exam @ 10:00 Waller Hall (LAST DAY OF CLASS)

UPDATES

2009-04-17T17:15:00.002-05:00

Stanley's mom is doing better. I stayed the night with her last night so that my father-in-law could get some sleep. I slept pretty good, and so did Lura, but Stanley can't sleep without me at home, so he didn't sleep well at all.

Her right carotid artery is stopped up and so they did a CT angiogram this morning to see how bad it was. They don't know the results as of yet, but I think surgery is in her near future.

Austen's insulin pump should be here in the next week or two! A lot of bad stuff is going on, but God continues to show us His presence and that He is still working in our lives! Going to Pathway again on Sunday.

When It Rains It Pours

2009-04-16T00:07:00.003-05:00

Please pray for Stanley's mom. She had a stroke in her sleep Tuesday night, woke up Wednesday morning not feeling well, had a headache and blurred vision, but did not let anyone know. Stanley's dad came home from work Wednesday afternoon and noticed her acting funny, checked her blood pressure and it was very high, so they took her to Western Baptist. She is now on the 5th floor awaiting tests to see why she had the stroke. (probably the high blood pressure).

The stroke was in the back of the brain in the area that controls vision. She still is having vision problems, and has a hard time thinking about things. She does know who she is, where she is, and what happened though, so that is good. Praise God it isn't any worse than it is.

If you have a stroke, you have a 3 hour window in which to reverse the damage. She was well past that window, so God must have been looking out for her.

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

2009-04-13T19:21:00.002-05:00

Well we took Tanner to see Dr. Swain in Murray. He said that the lump was not anything serious. It is a hormonal thing, like male boobs, that should go away on it's own, but he is still going to monitor it to be safe. He said that he could remove it if it became bothersome or embarrassing for Tanner, but that it was harmless. I am so very thankful for this news because the radiologist made it sound like it was really bad. I know many of our friends at our old church have been praying for him, the family has been praying, and a lot of my school friends, so I am so thankful that God heard these prayers and everything is fine. God is so good!

Thank you God for hearing the many prayers on Tanner's behalf. Thank you for protecting him and thank you for the peace you gave me last week ... I knew it was going to be a good outcome, and it was all because of YOU! You are a great and glorious God and I don't deserve the favor you have shown to me and my family. THANK YOU! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

On This Day ...

2009-04-10T07:47:00.005-05:00

On this day 17 years ago, Stanley and I got married. We did not get married in a church either time we got married. (we divorced in 1997 and lived together and then we remarried in 2003) We have been talking about renewing our vowels this fall in the church. My original plan was to have the pastor that saved (meaning, walked me to the Lord) and then baptized me and baptized all of our kids, to perform the service. I don't know what we will do now. But I really think it is important for us to renew our vowels in a church, since we both rededicated our lives to Christ after we got married the second time, and since we never had that church wedding.

It would be nice to have pictures and family and friends there ... It saddens me how my plans have been shot down. Yeah I'm feeling sorry for myself. You picture your kids getting married in the church you have known most of your life, and BAM, it ain't going to happen, and it upsets me!

Happy original Anniversary Stanley ... I love you more now than I did then, you are an amazing husband, friend, lover, and father. I am so happy God kept us together!

Catching Up

2009-04-09T07:10:00.003-05:00

Last night I was texting my BFF, and she was worried that I was going to be worrying all weekend about Tanner's lump since we don't see the surgeon until Monday. I told her that it is what it is and me worrying isn't going to change that. I think he will be fine. I did not know that at church last night that the kids in TeamKid prayed for him. It could be the reason why I am feeling better about things. I'm sure of it actually because I know that God answers prayer, especially when more than one person is praying for the same thing while believing the prayer will be answered. God is so good!

We have 3 1/2 weeks of school left for this semester ... I can't believe it!!! It seems like I just started the first semester and now I have just a little over a semester left! December will come fast after school starts back in the fall. Especially since we will only have class for two months and then our Preceptor the following two months. Then I will take my Boards sometime in January and I could be working as an official RN sometime after that! My dream is almost a reality, and I can only thank God for it ... and my husband of course, for doing most of the chores to allow me to study.

I have a paper to write today for school, two actually, but one is due on Friday. I also have some studying to do and some note cards to write for medical micro. I am so happy that our micro professor changed the date of our final exam. We have our last unit exam in nursing on the 28th, then we were supposed to have our micro final on the 29th, and then our nursing final on the 30th. He felt sorry for us and moved the micro final to the 4th ... THANK GOD! That was too much! The last two weeks of nursing and micro are bad enough as we have 6 tests! Can we say OVERLOAD? Thank God summer break is almost here, and I can study at my own pace with no pressure to stay on top of everything for my comprehensive nursing final in the fall that covers everything we have learned so far from every semester.

Well I am off to study and do some laundry. have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Surgical Consult

2009-04-08T13:22:00.002-05:00

We have a surgical consult about Tanner's lump on Monday at 3:00 PM with Dr. Swain in Murray. Your continued prayers over this scary situation will be highly appreciated. Thank you.

Prayer Request

2009-04-07T15:24:00.002-05:00

I finally got the call from the doctors office this morning. Tanner's lump is 1.8cm and is oval in shape with undefined edges (not good), and they said it was an inflammatory lesion and it needed to come out. So they are setting us up with a surgical consult. I am so worried, but he hasn't had this lump for very long, so hopefully whatever it is, it will be ok once we get it out.

Our insurance has changed so we will be paying for this surgery out of our own pockets pretty much, but we got to do what we got to do. Please pray that this is nothing serious!

My Feelings Set To Music

2009-04-02T15:06:00.003-05:00

I heard this song and it touched me. It totally describes what I'm feeling right now.

The Climb by Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah)

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah yeah ea ea)

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

If you want to hear the song or watch the video, you can right HERE.

Thoughts Of The Day 3-26-09

2009-03-26T08:09:00.003-05:00

My Sunday School teacher always gives me a Bible verse that is fitting for any given situation. This morning I was looking at one of my favorite websites, God's Yellow Pages, and found some really good verses that seem to fit with my life right now.

Under the heading of COURAGE:

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Under the heading ANXIOUS:

Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Under the heading NEEDING GUIDANCE:

Psalm 32:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

Under the heading SICK-IN PAIN:

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Under the heading PRAYERFUL:

1 John 5:14-15
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

And finally ... Under the heading FORGIVENESS:

Mark 11:25-26
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

Forgiveness is a hard thing sometimes, but we must learn to forgive in order to be forgiven ... I'm really trying.

I am definitely in prayer about a lot of things. I know I need God to do some work on me, and I know I need God to get me through some things that are going on. I just have to learn to be patient, which is the hardest part.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Confused

2009-03-21T10:18:00.003-05:00

I really don't know what to do this Sunday about Church. I love the people at my Church and would really like to go there, but at the same time I want to see if maybe another Church is better suited for us. I guess I just have to continue to pray about it.

We missed last Sunday because Stanley said he had a hard time going to our Church, and then I missed because I didn't get up in time. (my best friend and I had stayed up and painted Friday night and slept from 8AM to 1PM and then we started painting again, and I went to bed Saturday night after midnight, so I was exhausted).

Stanley and I want to go, but we think some things need to be settled first. It is hard to worship God in a place where things are going on, and people are treating you different or wrong. I know God wants it settled, but I don't know how to do that when decisions are still up in the air, feelings are hurt, and NO ONE wants to admit they are wrong.

I am also confused as to why people have to leave anonymous comments on my blog, and continue to look at comments on another post, but use something to block the ISP they are using. I am so sick of deceit, really I am. I am glad that I am an honest person who doesn't care what others think. Sneaking around looking for trouble isn't my thing. I mean the way I see it is this ... if you think I am wrong, or don't like what I have to say, then you shouldn't be on my blog. Seems to me that continuing to come back is just as bad as you think or say that I am.

I don't care for anyone reading my blog, I am an open book, really. Have a question? Just ask. But when I have increased traffic on one post, and then when we bust them out and then I start seeing "Unknown" on my blog stats, but they are still looking at the same post ... HELLO ... I might be blonde, but I assure you, I am not stupid. Why would you keep coming back? Are you wanting me to say something? If not, please go away.

Update On Pump

2009-03-20T22:01:00.004-05:00

Austen has to go to the hospital in the morning to have more bloodwork drawn. He has to have a C- Peptide, which tells the doctor if his pancreas produces any insulin at all. The insurance company is requesting it, as well as 60 days worth of blood sugar logs (that we can pull off the monitor). But from the way I understand it, they are going to pay most, if not all of the cost of the pump (if they agree). The insurance company still has not decided if he can have one yet, that is why we have to do all of this. The doctor and pump company are all on board, but the insurance company is the final say, but I can understand that because those supplies for the pump are extremely expensive.

But I have faith that he will get the insulin pump ... God has protected him thus far, and the pump will ensure he stays healthy for a lot longer. Some people think that if he did everything just perfectly that he would be fine without it, but I don't know anybody who does everything just perfect ... except for Jesus of course :-)

TGIF

2009-03-20T06:57:00.003-05:00

This has been the longest week to me. I guess because I had two clinicals this week and because of that, had to miss Church Wednesday. I am so happy it is Friday, even though this weekend looks pretty busy too, since ...

I need to unwind, sleep in, and finish painting the trim in the living room.
I need to do more research on local Churches.
I need to spend time and cuddle up with my husband.
I need to get into God's word.

Next week I also have two clinicals, both of which are on Tuesday, but at least I get my usual Thursday off next week. Not having a day off when you have papers to write, quizzes to take, and research to do is CRAZY!

Tuesday I have Management of Care Day @ Western Baptist & Angel's Clinic. I am looking forward to the first one, but not so much the last one. But just a few more clinicals left, and three more tests and this semester is O-V-E-R! Then summer break ... I can't wait!

Also, please pray for us (or continue) as we have many decisions to make in the near future and we want to make the right ones. Thanks so much and have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

Just So You Know

2009-03-19T20:19:00.001-05:00

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck ... it's a duck. I'm just saying.

Thought Of The Day 3-18-09

2009-03-18T14:53:00.000-05:00

Proverbs 28:13

He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Great Day

2009-03-17T14:41:00.002-05:00

Today I was with Hospice for my clinical. A great experience, I truly admire the work they do. I had the privilege of working with them when I took care of a very sweet lady who had cancer. I would actually love to work with Hospice, but I have to have 3 years experience first.

Tonight my baby girl is singing at school. She is in the "Talent Spotlight", she does it every year. She is going to sing Beautiful by Christina Aguilera ... I haven't heard her sing it yet, so I am going to be pleasantly surprised. I cannot wait!

Now I think I am off to take a nap. I want to be well rested to hear my baby girl sing. She sings like an angel, and uses it for God's glory ... God will do amazing things through her.

Thought Of The Day 3-17-09

2009-03-17T06:27:00.005-05:00

2 Timothy 4:16-18

At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

My New Dining Room

2009-03-13T13:03:00.003-05:00

Thank God it is finally finished! I love it! This was originally the living room and had a wall closing it off from the room I am taking the picture in. We knocked down the wall and decided to turn it into a dining room since we only have the bar to eat at, and no room in the kitchen for a table. I think it looks great, so warm and inviting!

Thoughts Of The Day 2-12-09

2009-02-12T12:01:00.002-06:00

Ephesians 5:11

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.

2 Corinthians 10:12

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

Feeling Blessed & Confused

2009-02-08T23:34:00.006-06:00

A lot of people did without power, heat, hot water, cable and phone during the ice storm here in Western Ky. We had heat and hot water, and got power back after 5 days. The interesting and most blessed thing that came out of it was that during this stressful week (on most people), I was fairly relaxed playing cards with my kids and my family that stayed with us after the storm.

My kids learned how to play spades and rummy, and it was really cool to spend that quality time with them. They really seemed to enjoy it too, and I am hoping we can do more of it once things go back to normal and we all get back into our normal routines.

God is good all the time, and it is when you do without that you realize how truly blessed you really are.

******************************************************************

During the storm I was a bit taken back by someone coming to my house asking me if they could buy drugs off of me (my pain pills from my recent hysterectomy). I was so shocked by this that all I could do was lie and say I had flushed them, when I probably should have called the police instead. This is someone with whom I am fairly aquainted with, and who should know better. I have decided that I need to keep my distance from this person but pray that they get the help they need.

If you know me at all then you know that this goes against my beliefs, morals, and values. Look up the word anti-drug and you will see my picture. I'm still very upset by this and clueless of what to do.

Thoughts Of The Day 1/27/09

2009-01-26T23:27:00.004-06:00

In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than be loved for who I'm not.

Those who are poor, smile at what they have, yet those who have good fortune, frown at what they do not have.

When you judge someone else, It doesn't define who they are, It defines who you are.

Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of others.

Stand up for what you believe in, even if you are standing alone.

Thought Of The Day 1-20-09

2009-01-20T07:04:00.001-06:00

Dependence upon God makes heroes of ordinary people like you and me. - Bruce Wilkinson

Thought Of The Day 1-19-09

2009-01-19T10:31:00.004-06:00

If you begin to live life looking for the God that is all around you, every moment becomes a prayer. - Frank Bianco

Learning About Myself

2009-01-16T13:16:00.005-06:00

I have come to realize that I may be too outspoken. I realized I had this problem when I was a teenager, but then somehow I grew out of it, and then now that I am back in Church, I am back to be being outspoken again. I am the type of person that I don't care who you are, if I think you have done me wrong or my family wrong, I will be the first one to tell you about it. I am usually nice about it unless you ignore me or defend your behavior, and then I might not be so nice. Some people cannot handle this about me, and so I don't make friends very easily. Once people see that I am not this way just to be mean, then they get to know me and like me, but it takes some time for people to get that close.
I have come to realize that I am not the type of person who searches for or longs for a leadership role. Not to say that I wouldn't want a leadership role if the position were right, I just don't "need" it in order to feel like somebody important. I may not be important to anyone but my family, but that is OK with me. I see a lot of people look for leadership roles just to say "Look at me!", "Look what I am doing." I don't want to ever be that way because then it isn't for God's glory, it's for mine, and that would be wrong.
I get annoyed with advice that comes from people who have not been in my situation, and because of that, I try not to give advice to people if I have not been there myself. We all think we know all the answers and it is real easy to tell someone else what to do, but not as easy when you are standing in the situation.
I am a lot tougher than I thought I was, and I know I owe it ALL to God. He has given me more strength than I thought was possible over the past several years. God is truly amazing!
I am so happy to be happily married. I go to school with a bunch of young girls and overhear them talk about dating ... I could not do that again. I LOVE stability. I love knowing that I have someone who loves me and only me. I love it that there are many predictable things in my life (I don't like surprises), and I love it that at the end of the day I have a soft place to fall and I will always be caught by my husband's loving arms.
I do not like confrontation, and express myself better in writing. I don't mind talking face to face, but I am more apt to becoming emotional or upset and do not like others to see me cry.
Sci-Fi movies are NOT for me ... give me a good romantic comedy and I am good to go!

I have learned a lot about myself over the past few years in school. I know I will continue to learn more as I grow older and continue to change. I am looking forward to the adventure.

Drugs or Jesus

2009-01-15T07:49:00.005-06:00

I have been having a hard time dealing with some things lately. Lord knows I have prayed and prayed but I still don't know what to do or what to say. I will try not to go into too much detail, but one problem I have is that I feel, and my kids feel, like they are treated differently than other kids in a couple of different environments. I don't know why this is, and no reason can justify it in my mind, but it happens regardless.

I am the type of person that believes that all people should be treated equally and fairly. I realize there are people that have their favorite kids, I do too, but that does not mean that you nag, be mean to, or be unfair to other kids. It isn't right and is sin no matter how you look at it.

I also have a problem (in general) with the amount of people who are addicted to or take prescription drugs for no reason. These people are all around us; on the roads, in the shopping malls, and for some reason they think because they are legal drugs, that it is OK. It is NOT OK. An addiction is an addiction and not to say these people are bad people, but I don't want that mess around my kids.

Prescription drugs have become the new "street drug", and these people will try to sell these drugs to your kids, or they will even give them away to help get them started or addicted. I have seen good people ruin their lives from abusing prescription drugs. It is mainly pain pills or anti-depressants that are being abused. It is very scary to me because I know how easily doctors just hand them out like candy.

No good doctor should keep writing prescriptions for pain killers without testing the drug level in the person, and without trying alternative methods of pain relief. The doctor that writes those prescriptions every month without checking things out and making sure the client is in real pain and not just addicted, should lose their license in my opinion. They are part of the problem when they need to be part of the solution. Prayer is needed for sure!

That was my soap box for the day ... It could be continued :)

Feeling Great

2009-01-13T09:51:00.002-06:00

Well it has been one month and a day since my surgery and I feel wonderful. That is a blessing for sure! It took a week and half before I did not regret the surgery due to the massive pain I was having, but all is good now ... Thank you GOD!

We have started painting the house. We have lived here for two years and we have only done minor work on it due to me being in school. I felt so good this past weekend that I had to start working on it, and so far it is looking great! I didn't even answer the phone in fear that I would stop painting.

We spent Saturday night at a friend's house playing Rockband (one of the coolest games on the planet if you like music). We ordered out for pizza and sat around talking and catching up, and then I took turns singing and playing the guitar while Stanley did not feel very musically inclined, so he just watched and listened to us. We had a great time! I think we are going to buy Rockband and Guitar Hero World Tour Band so we can jam at home :)

School started back yesterday and so far I think 203 is going to be awesome! Our professors are a hoot let me tell you. I also liked my Medical Micro professor and think this semester is going to be one of the best so far.

Now we just got to plan out devotionals for our family and get closer to God and all things will be great in the Stevenson household!

Seven Weird Or Random Facts

2009-01-08T12:54:00.004-06:00

My sister tagged me, so I guess I am it :) Here are seven weird or random things about me.

1. One of my nicknames is Miss Chin. My daddy called me that from the time I can remember, even as an adult he called me that or just "Chin". I really miss my daddy :(

2. My husband and I started dating in July of 1991, we got married in April of 1992, got a divorce in April of 1997, continued to live together, and got remarried in August of 2003. God did an amazing work on the both of us!

3. I was out of church for over 20 years, and I am so thankful that God got a hold of me again and pulled me out of the life I was living. To find true happiness, all one needs is God.

4. I can touch my nose with my tongue.

5. I have to drink coffee the first thing every morning or I get a bad headache that will not go away.

6. I had my first three kids by c-section and then the fourth was born natural, something that is very rare and most doctors will not allow anymore due to the serious risk of death for both mother and baby.

7. When I was 9 years old I got strep-throat and the infection went to the tubes of my kidneys causing post-strepococcal glumerulonephritis, which caused my kidneys to shut-down and I ended up in a coma for 5 days out of my two week stay at Lourdes Hospital in Paducah, Ky. If it had not been for the prayers and genius of my doctor, Dr. Shumaker, I probably would have died or ended up on dialysis or had to have a kidney transplant.

If you are reading this, you are tagged ... so get busy!

God's Gift

2008-12-24T11:09:00.005-06:00

Little baby on the hay,

soon there'll be another day

when nails shall pierce YOUR hands

and feet as YOU provide our sin's defeat.

Risen Jesus on the throne,

we lift our praise to YOU alone-

for YOU'RE gift that we receive

the moment that our hearts believe.

-Roy Lessin

As I grow older and get closer to God. I think about how Jesus must be so disappointed with us for turning his birth and ressurection into a big LIE. We tell our kids that Santa Claus comes and brings them gifts at Christmas. We tell them the Easter Bunny comes and brings them baskets full of eggs on HIS ressurection. How can that make HIM happy?

If we had started from day one making Christmas about HIS birth, we wouldn't have to be fighting to say MERRY CHRISTMAS now. If we had told our kids that Christmas was about a GIFT that God gave to US that would ultimately give US eternal life in HEAVEN with HIM, imagine how things would be today? Makes you think and wonder doesn't it?

Christians are usually good about standing up for their beliefs, but this is one thing that I think we really messed up with. How can any lie that takes away from our savior's birth and ressurection be pleasing to God? How can ANY lie be pleasing to God for that matter?

We always hear about how as Christians we are to be different. We should not watch ungodly things, we should not listen to ungodly music, we should always be careful to tame our tongues. We should be careful of the company we keep. BUT THEN we support this HUGE LIE every single year! Even if we don't have young kids, we ask "What is Santa bringing you?" ... We support the commercialism of HIS birth buy going into DEBT to SPOIL our children. We show just how ungodly we are by getting into fights with other people over that "special" toy for our kids.

Non Christians celebrate Christmas the exact same way we do.

Yeah I am very sure that the reason we are fighting to put Christ back in Christmas, is because Christmas IS NOT about Christ anymore, and it hasn't been for a very long time. We say it is, and we may watch movies like the Nativity Story, and read from the Bible ... but it is all about buying our kids those things they are just dying to have. It's all about impressing the people we don't even like. It's all about how much money we can spend ... and I don't care what anybody says, our God, our Jesus, would not be happy about any of that!!!

Put CHRIST back in YOUR Christmas. Celebrate YOUR savior's birth the way it should be celebrated. Don't continue to commercialize Christmas, don't continue to make a mockery out of HIS birth. I dare YOU to be different.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

It Is Depressing

2008-12-23T12:37:00.002-06:00

It is very sad that the economy is as bad as it is. People all across this country are struggling to make ends meet and buy Christmas for their families. It is sad that people are losing their jobs during this crisis. That is why it is so important that people not live beyond their means.

If you have credit cards, cut them up! If you have charge accounts, stop! You don't need a fancy car and the nicest furniture and clothing. You only need what you can afford. Stop trying to impress the people you don't even like with your treasures here on earth.

Now is not the time to be buying things you don't need, or charging thousands of dollars on credit cards to buy Christmas for your family. Your family should be able to understand that you can't afford to spend money you don't have.

It just blows my mind to overhear people saying they can't pay their bills, but then they charge tons of money on credit cards. People are losing their jobs, or at risk for losing their jobs. This is not the time to go into debt, think about your families. I am sure they would much rather have a house to live in than an iPod or a laptop.

More Of This & That

2008-12-18T23:58:00.002-06:00

Well school is out for Christmas break. I made it to the third semester of nursing ... YAY me! I had my hysterectomy and right side salpingo-oophorectomy (tube and ovary) removed on the 12th. I have had severe pain and swelling, which (hopefully and prayerfully) is going away.

My belly-button is really swollen and I still cannot stand for anything to touch my belly. This has been the worst surgery so far. I had sinus surgery and went to school the next day and had zero pain. I have had three C-Sections where I was up walking like nothing had happened the very next day. But this surgery, this one was very different. I woke up in recovery in horrible pain, and after enough medicine to sedate a horse, I still complained and hit the side rails in agony. Yes, it was that bad.

After crying for a few days in severe pain, the doctor basically put me in a drug induced coma (very strong pain pills), that allowed me to rest. Today I have not taken any of those pills, and only took one of my darvocets for some moderate pain this afternoon. I hate taking pills and will try to prevent from taking them if at all possible. I feel a lot better today ... Thank you GOD!

Then to top all of that off, I overhear something being said to my daughter that is not true. My daughter has been telling me things for a while that someone is saying to her. It struck a nerve when I overheard it myself, and so I made sure that the person saying it knew that it was not true. It really makes me want to get out of the situation we are in because we are doing this out of the kindness of our hearts, and we have gotten nothing but grief for it from day one.

I am trying to keep my anger from controlling how I handle this situation, but it seems like every time I turn around they are doing something to cause me more grief. I may have to call S.S. and tell them I am done. I am trying real hard not to do that, but they are leaving me no other choice if this keeps up.

It's Almost Over ...

2008-12-09T06:50:00.003-06:00

I've been studying NCLEX review questions since Friday to prepare for my final exam in nursing on Wednesday. So far I have answered over 500 study questions. The Hesi is only 110 questions, so hopefully by the time I am finished, I will have covered the majority of questions that could be on this exam. I will continue to study until late this afternoon, and then I am just going to relax and get myself mentally prepared.

Today I have to stop by the church and pick up a letter that says I work in TeamKid on Wednesday night, so that next semester the school doesn't put me in a Thursday clinical. If I have Thursday clinical, I can't attend church on Wednesday's because of the amount of paperwork patient care requires. Then I have to take it to the school, and then go to WBH for my pre-op stuff.

Wednesday is my HESI final and then church. I will be glad to be finished for the semester ... my brain cannot handle any new information right now. Its processor is fairly slow these days and I am worried the system will crash :)

Thursday is my surgery! I am not looking forward to the surgery itself, but I am looking forward to a pain-free life afterward (after I heal of course). I have to stay overnight :( ... but I look at it as a vacation from the 5 kids in the house. I love them all with all of my heart, but I will not miss the noise! Have you tried to study in a house with three teenage boys and two pre-teen girls? It isn't easy let me tell you!

I am looking forward to being a couch potato for the rest of the week, I haven't watched anything but ER in a long time.

Well please pray that I do well on my nursing final, and please pray that I have a quick recovery from my surgery! Thank you so much, and have a great, glorious, and blessed day & rest of the week!

SOS - Someone Help Me

2008-12-02T07:14:00.000-06:00

I have a bit of a dilemma, and so I am seeking all of your advice. Yesterday I had my interview for nurse extern. They asked me where I wanted to be, I told them ICU. They were thrilled, they needed a student with a year to go to be in ICU because of the heavy training it requires. The catch is that I would need to get some things accomplished this month before school starts in January. Dec. 16th I would have to have an all day phlebotomy class where I would have to get 50 visible sticks, I would have to have several orientations and EKG training, and I would need to work every other Wed. on a midnight shift to get my packet (a check off on all my skills) finished before January. My surgery is on Dec. 11th., and we have tried every way we can to see if I could get all of this done, and I would not be able to because Dr. Hodges will not release me to do all of these things before January.

So I am just sick. I really wanted to be in ICU, and after being in there a year, I would have the training to stay there, and would get so much experience just as a student. She said if I applied for it in May, I might could get in ICU, but she couldn't guarantee that I would stay in ICU after graduation. But she could guarantee that I would get a med-surg floor.

If I weigh the pros and cons, I should go ahead with my surgery, reapply in May, and just pray that I get ICU after graduation. I told mom I was going to have to pray about it, but that I needed my answer by today so that I can call them back and let them know I want the position. God does not work that fast, usually. She said if I go by the Bible, I already have my answer because we are to take care of the temple (our bodies). I could wait for a year for my surgery, but I would have to suffer in order to do that. I really-really want this position, but I also really-really want this surgery so that I can have a normal life again.

What do you think? I haven't had time to do much thinking, I have two tests today. Any words of wisdom to help me not regret either decision?

Let The Stress Begin

2008-11-25T16:06:00.006-06:00

This is what my next couple of weeks look like ...

Dec 1st. 9:05-12:35 Lecture - 1:00 PM Physical Therapy Lab - 3:00 PM Survey @ WBH - 3:30 PM Interview @ WBH
Dec. 2nd 8:00-12:00 Lecture - 12:30 Proctored Medical Terminology Test
Dec. 3rd 9:05-12:35 Lecture - 6:30 PM Church
Dec. 4th Off for study
Dec. 5th 8:30 AM Court - 10:15 AM Last Chapter Exam (Nursing)
Dec. 9th 12:15 Lab Work for Surgery & Final Exam (Medical Terminology) May have this changed to Dec. 2nd after other exam.
Dec. 10th 10:30 AM Final Exam (Nursing)
Dec. 11th 9:30 AM Surgery
Dec. 12th Get out of Hospital sometime that morning. - 6:00 PM Husband's Company Christmas Dinner (If I am up to it ... doubtful being 1st day post-op)

Now tell me that these next two weeks are not going to make me crazy, cause I think they will, but I really want to be wrong!!!

Thank God I have 5 days of holiday break (the rest of this week and weekend), to study and relax to prepare me for what is to come. Please pray for me that I accomplish all of my goals with God's help and direction.

Thank you, and have a great Thanksgiving holiday!

It Breaks My Heart

2008-11-16T22:17:00.002-06:00

I found myself a bit upset today. Upset because some people I adore are not really being treated very well by others, and it has caused them to not feel welcome at our church. I know there will be some that will say it shouldn't matter what others think, it's about God.

Well God would not treat these people this way. God would be supporting them, showing them love. Not whispering behind their backs or judging them for the mistakes they have made. We ALL make mistakes. No ONE person is better than another, no matter what you may think.

It upsets me, it really does. Especially when it comes from people that should know better. Especially from Christians. I know what I have done in my past, and though I have never murdered anyone, I have broken the Ten Commandments (just like everyone else has), and that is just as bad in God's eyes.

Anyway, we all need support and need to be lifted up when we mess up, not kicked while we are down. It upsets me more just thinking about it. Have a great week.

The Fight Against Abortion

2008-11-15T16:10:00.003-06:00

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said:

'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 yr. old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together.'

So the doctor said: 'Ok and what do you want me to do?'

She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.'

The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.'

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.

Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.

The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!

'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be ok with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution. The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point.

He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same!

Amen!

UPDATE

2008-11-15T09:04:00.002-06:00

Sorry I forget to update for those of you who read my blog. I waited from 9:30 until 11:30 to be called (missed my whole class), and then all that happened was they told me since I could not be at court on the 21st, they would have to reschedule for December 5th. Then they set up visitation with the mother and the man she calls daddy. They get to see her unsupervised (the man supervises with the mother) on Monday from 4-7 and on Saturday 10-3. This keeps them out of my hair everyday, so I am thankful for that. My husband is going off of her bond on Monday, and the man is going on it instead. That too will relieve some added stress.

On December 5th, I think it is the judication hearing where witnesses are present and that is when they may turn it from a neglect situation to a dependency situation. It's basically to prove why there was a need to take the girl from the mother. I don't know if they will let the man have her then or not, social services didn't seem very nice to him yeterday, and they are the ones who tell the judge what their recommendations are, so I don't know ... it is all in God's hands. I am trying very hard to get my will to match His, but it is very difficult sometimes.

I don't know if we will have her for Christmas or not, so I have done a few things just in case. Please continue to pray for us! We want to be in perfect alignment with God's will. Thanks so much!

Court Tomorrow

2008-11-13T08:09:00.005-06:00

Tomorrow is court over this girl. The man she calls daddy is supposed to try and get custody of her tomorrow. I don't know if they will let him have her or not because he is living with her mother. That would defeat the purpose of taking her away if she is going to be with her mother anyway.

On one hand I hope he does get her, but I want that for selfish reasons: I am tired of dealing with the mother. On the other hand, I don't want her to go with him because I worry about the what-if's if left with her mother.

The girl has been good for the most part. She has lied to me about a couple of things, but her behavior other than that has been wonderful. She is a sweet girl, she just has been around so much that I am afraid she will end up making some really bad choices in her life. All I can do is pray that God protects her and keeps her safe from what the world has to offer her.

I don't know what God's plan is tomorrow, but whatever it is I am willing to do what HE wants. Even if that means I have to deal with things I don't want to deal with. I'm praying for God's will, not mine. All I can do is just trust God. Please keep us in your prayers. Thank you.

Oh, and I cannot go to the next court date on the 21st. I found out for sure that I will not be allowed to make up the test if I miss it, and that will cause me to fail nursing. Luckily, I have a letter from my instructor asking the judge to change the time.

Dreading The Holidays

2008-11-09T21:40:00.004-06:00

The more I look at the extra bills I have for the next few months (county & city property tax, & house insurance ... over $1000 thankyouverymuch), and the more I think about the unknown (whether or not we will have my friend's kid over the holidays, or permanent???), the more I am dreading Christmas.

The economy just stinks, everything costs an arm and a leg, and maybe even a kidney... and so it looks like Christmas will be slim this year. At least we love each other and have a place to live. Some people don't even have a home or family to be with, so I am thankful that I have that.

Once I become a nurse and start contributing financially to this family, I will feel a lot better about the holidays. School costs us about $100 a week, and have you tried to feed three teenage boys? My goodness! Not to mention the two picky girls in the house. Feeding 5 kids on one income is definitely challenging. God does provide, and I thank HIM for that everyday!

At least my sister is cooking Christmas dinner, with my surgery, I don't need to be trying to do that this year. I may try to cook Thanksgiving though if I have time with all the testing I have for this month! Thank God there is just one more month of classes for this year!

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

2008-11-08T09:53:00.006-06:00

This is funny!

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as:

- NBA 5.0
- NFL 3.0
- Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
0A Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources< /SPAN>.)

0A, In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Tech Support

This, That, & The Other

2008-11-05T21:17:00.002-06:00

Today was one crazy day. It started off with driving to school this morning. I was running late but my gas light was on. I thought I could make it so I drove on. I started running out of gas on I 24 near exit 11. The car died I am guessing about 1/4 mile from exit 11, and somehow coasted off exit 11 to the Exxon station ... It had to have been God getting me there, that was a long way to coast.

Then I went to my Gynecologist this afternoon. I have been having a lot of pain and bleeding when I'm not supposed to be (sorry if that is too much information), and I have a cyst on my right ovary, so I get to have a hysterectomy and my right ovary and tube removed on Dec. 11th. I am thankful for that though, because with all of my issues, I just know that once it's gone, my pain and troubles will be gone too. I know it will take some time to recover from, but it is well worth it if it means that I can be normal again, and enjoy loving on my husband again.

I still have my friend's daughter. I go back to court on the 14th of Nov. I don't see it changing unless the girls daddy gets her. I am OK with keeping her though. I thought it would stress me out but it doesn't. My friend is stressing me out a little bit, but I can fix that.

Just please continue to pray for me/us right now. We have a lot on our plate right now. I have a test Friday that is over a lot of content. I need to study tomorrow, but the girl I am keeping is running a fever, and I may need to take her to the doctor. It's a virus because all of us have had it, so there probably isn't much they can do about it, but I probably still need to take her. I am praying she will feel better by the morning.

God is good, he does provide all of our needs, and he sustains us and carries us when we feel like we can't go on. I thank Him for that, and I praise Him for whatever it is He is doing in our lives. have a great, glorious, and blessed evening!

Needing More Time On My Knees

2008-11-02T21:43:00.004-06:00

A lot is going on that I really don't want to "air" in public, but I have got to talk to God, and I ask that you continue to pray for us and the situation we are currently in (previous posts). Thank you.

It's All In God's Hands

2008-10-30T08:12:00.003-05:00

I was reading my In Touch magazine devotional this morning, and yesterday too. Isn't it funny how devotionals fit what is going on in your life? Well, anyway, it said that most people want the best most qualified person for a job, whereas, God usually chooses the weaker person because they are usually more dependent on him. And through their weakness, HE is strong.

I can't help but believe that I am not the person most people would choose to take care of a child. I don't think I am a bad mother, but I sure haven't received any mother of the year awards either. Some will say I have too much patience, I don't think I have enough sometimes. But who knows what God could be doing in this situation.

I have left it completely up to God. If HE wants us to take care of this girl, HE will fix it to where the judge says she can stay here. If HE doesn't want us to take of her, the judge will say he wants her somewhere else.

The social worker came by yesterday and checked things out, making sure we had the room for her to be here. She also talked with the girl to see what she wanted. My wish is that the man she calls daddy (not her biological father) could take her and care for her.

I will do whatever God wants me to do. I really don't think I need the added stress with going to nursing school, but I know that God does not give us more than we can handle, and HE will provide and make me strong enough to endure. It is all up to HIM now. Just pray for God's will to be done on Friday morning regarding this situation. Thank you!

Ok God - What Do I Do?

2008-10-28T22:09:00.002-05:00

If it wasn't enough that I am finding little time to study, I feel like I am coming down with something, and I have a party Friday I am not ready for ... well now I have emergency custody of a friend's child that I may or may not get to keep, or may have to keep for no telling how long. If I didn't take her she was going to end up in foster care, and I really didn't want to see that happen.

I just know that I am stressed beyond belief right now, and have no clue what to do. I am just going to get on my knees and pray for guidance, direction, and answers. I know if this is meant to be, God will provide, I just don't know how to deal with the added stress ... just lean on HIM I guess. Please continue to pray for me.

Thank you!

Feeling Rushed/Bad

2008-10-28T13:00:00.002-05:00

I need to be studying, my daughter and best friend's daughter are having a joint early Halloween/birthday party that I am not even close to being ready for, and I feel ill, I think I am coming down with something.

I need prayer. I need to be able to study, study, study, and I don't need to get sick right now. My grades ARE NOT where they need to be and I really need help to get all of this content into my brain so I can do well on the next 4 tests.

I Need A Boost

2008-10-16T08:58:00.004-05:00

I am seriously overloaded. I feel like all I do is read and sit through lectures. I think my brain is going to explode! You might even hear about it on the news ... "Breaking news, a nursing student's brain exploded from information overload today, full story at 10."

Then I hear about all of this election BULL, and get all the nasty emails and people telling me if I am a Christian I must vote for McCain, which just makes me want to vomit. I cannot vote for another 8 years of this mess, REALLY! I want Bill back!!!!

I agree with my BIL (brother-in-law). I think Obama will do more to help the abortion issue than McCain will. At least he voted for programs that gave teens education and contraceptives to reduce teen pregnancies. I mean really, lets think about this for a second--You can't fix the abortion issue if you don't offer alternatives. Abstinence is a great message, but it is not a message everyone will buy into.

The truth is that the world has a stronger hold on our teenagers than God does, and so we have to offer alternatives that fit into their way of thinking, we can't push our beliefs onto other people all the time. It isn't realistic. It's great that we try, but it doesn't resolve the situation!

I am exhausted and I have another sinus infection. I am thinking of buying the Netty Pot, I have been hearing about it for a few years now, and I think it will do me some good. The medicine I need to take for my allergies is about $200 a month ... not including allergy shots. Then they make me tired or agitated, so it isn't worth it to me. I'd rather be stuffy and have a few headaches then be tired all of the time and ticked off.

I really need to sit down and have a long converstation with God today. I have got to forgive some things and work on some things.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed day!

It's Not Happening

2008-10-10T12:07:00.002-05:00

My prayer was not answered, I am very sad and depressed, and wish that I had never gotten myself involved because now I am hurt too.

Thank You Lord - I Praise Your Name

2008-10-07T16:51:00.003-05:00

I cannot say what is going on ... only because I don't know if the parties involved want me spreading it around just yet ... but I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and prayed ... and prayed some more for God to intervene in a situation that is very close to my heart, and guess what? HE IS WORKING!!! ... actually HE has been working the whole time, it is just the people involved have been in HIS way, not listening, and not doing what they should have been doing. BUT, now they are trying to let GOD fix things, and so I am still praying, and will continue to pray until I know God has fixed it completely. Please pray with me, pray that God will continue to heal this situation, guide this situation, and work through and in the people involved!

THANK YOU GOD FOR ANSWERING THIS PRAYER! I KNOW THIS IS YOUR WILL! I KNOW THAT YOU ARE MIGHTY, WONDERFUL, GRACIOUS, PATIENT, AND FORGIVING! THANK YOU LORD!!!! THANK YOU!!!

I AM ...

2008-10-06T22:21:00.003-05:00

#1. A big pain in the butt, and I am totally aware of it, and totally ok with it. I have to be stubborn in many ways in order to do God's work. I have to be honest because I am a bad liar, and lying stinks anyway! I know, I was lied to all of my life! I have to try and help people even if they really don't want my help, because that is me, that is who I am. I like to help people!

#2. Extremely tired, worn out, and emotionally drained from all the studying I do that barely makes the grade. I keep telling myself "ONE MORE YEAR!"

#3. Excited because this semester is half over already!

#4. Upset because I only get one day off for fall break, the kids get the whole week!

#5. A servant! I am totally ok with always being a helper in VBS, a helper in KidsFest, or just a member of the church. I don't have to be in a leadership role because a true servant wants to serve, not be the leader to get attention or to brag. It's about God, it is NOT about me!

The Irony - Studying = Student & Dying Put Together

2008-10-02T08:44:00.002-05:00

Seems like studying is all that I do. Today is no different, I have a test tomorrow and so I will be out of pocket most of the day to STUDY-STUDY-STUDY, then I will DIE from serious brain overload!

I hope YOU have a stress free day!

One Word ... Interesting

2008-09-30T16:27:00.003-05:00

Thanks to my sister, I have been reading a very interesting site. Click HERE to read what I am reading.

You can check out THIS for more falsehood's on both sides.

But the AFA says THIS.

Snopes.com says THIS.

I am amazed how we call ourselves Christian but promote lies on people just to score votes. POLITICS AS USUAL I SUPPOSE!

Better In Time - By Leona Lewis

2008-09-30T14:09:00.003-05:00

Click HERE for video.

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See, somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going, coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one
Thinking that I deserved it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning, to love again
All I know is, Imma be okay

Thought I couldnt live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too (oh yeah)
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to (ooh ooh)
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
without something there to remind me
It wasn't all that easy
to just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming
Don't wanna laugh, hurt my feelings
But that's the path, I believe in
And I know that, time will heal it
If you didn't notice, boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning, to love again
All I know is, I'm gon' be okay

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too (oh yeah)
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to (ooh ooh)
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me (no more you and me)
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you
Yes, I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too (oh oh oh)
It'll all get better in time (oh oh ooh)
Even though I really love you (you)
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to (yes, I do)
It'll all get better in time (oh oh yeah)

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too (yeah ah yeah)
It'll all get better in time (ooh ooh oh)
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to (ooh ooh, yes)
It'll all get better in time.

The Love Dare

2008-09-29T17:58:00.003-05:00

I DARE you to go see Fireproof with your spouse or fiance. Even if you are divorced or going through a divorce, this movie can turn it all around! It was the best investment we have made in a long time. We took the kids to see it with us, and we all really enjoyed it. It made Stanley and I cry because we could see ourselves in this movie. I will definitely buy the movie when it comes out!

Ater watching Fireproof, I decided to buy the book that Caleb uses in the movie. I cannot wait to get it! The Love Dare is a book of things that you do to your spouse everyday to show love, and strengthen your marriage. I also suggest buying the book!

On The Issues

2008-09-26T15:01:00.004-05:00

I love >THIS< website. It is the only place I have found where you can see what each candidate has voted on and their explanation for that vote.

Here is Obama's record on abortion. It is interesting that he votes for $100M for education programs to prevent unwanted pregnancies, and therefore preventing abortions.

CLICK HERE FOR OBAMA'S RECORD ON ABORTION

A Yes vote would:

Increase funding and access to family planning services
Funds legislation that requires equitable prescription coverage for contraceptives under health plans
Funds legislation that would create and expand teen pregnancy prevention programs and education programs concerning emergency contraceptives.

Mc Cain voted no on that issue. But voted to ban partial-birth abortions.

CLICK HERE FOR MCCAIN'S RECORD ON ABORTION

You can look at Biden and Palin's records on this website as well, and on all the issues, not just abortion.

James Dobson is against McCain, I did not know that. I cannot believe the president of the AFA would be against McCain.

All I know is that I am not happy with either of these candidates. I don't want to vote. If I vote my conscious, I guarantee it won't be McCain that I vote for.

You can CLICK HERE and HERE to see a few interesting posts over at my sister's blog.

Fireproof Your Marriage

2008-09-22T15:13:00.009-05:00

If your married or thinking about getting married, or if you are getting a divorce or thinking about getting a divorce ... YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!! I have my tickets! I just wish it would have come out sooner, it might have helped some of my friends!

STRESS

2008-09-17T21:11:00.006-05:00

I have a HUGE test on Monday. It is EIGHT (8) CHAPTERS LONG!!! I am studying a little everyday, but today I am really studying, and will study all the rest of the week and weekend. I just had to take a break long enough to eat and clear my brain. GEESH! I just keep telling myself "ONE MORE YEAR!"

Clinicals - Day 3

2008-09-17T21:11:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I was in the ER for clinicals, it was really interesting. I performed a quick cath for a sterile urine sample, and I removed 2 IV's and discontinued the IV line from an IID. I could have put in an IV, but I was nervous about the veins of the person being so small, and the RN I was with all day missed twice and that shot my confidence down. I need to just jump in there and not worry about it I suppose, but I don't want to hurt anyone if I can keep from it :)

Sweet Sixteen

2008-09-12T23:02:00.004-05:00

Today my oldest son turned 16! I cannot even believe he is now old enough to drive ... time has really flown by! I think he has had a pretty good day, he has his x-box 360, and that is really all he cares about. A few friends and family came by to wish him a happy birthday.

I remember when I turned 16, it was really cool, but I wanted to get my permit and be able to drive ASAP, Austen doesn't seem to really care about getting his license ... I guess I will thank God for that!

New Look - Feeling Blessed

2008-09-11T09:10:00.003-05:00

Well I kind of got bored with the solid blue and decided to change things up a bit. I like it but I don't, so I will give it a few days before I change it and see if it grows on me. I hope it is pleasing to your eyes.

I am feeling very blessed today. I have a nice size house, it may need a little cosmetic work done, but it is big enough and structurally sound, so that is good. I have 4 great kids - we joke sometimes about having 4 "terrors" but they are really good kids. They are very open and "mouthy" at times, and that gets them in trouble, but I love it that they all feel like they can tell me how they feel. I also love it that my son who will be 16 years old tomorrow, is more concerned with an x-box 360 than cars and girls. I also love it that my kids are sensitive and willing to help others.

I have a wonderful husband who always thinks of the kids and I before himself. He works hard everyday to provide for us, and he tells us and shows us how much he loves us all the time. I have a great family that I adore and love.

I am able to go to school and follow my dream and God's calling on my life. I am blessed with the best friends anyone could ask for. I know I could call several of them day or night and they would help me in any way that they could.

I just feel really blessed today!

My Day

2008-09-09T23:28:00.007-05:00

Today I got to give a TB skin test, change the dressing on a central line, and give another sub-q injection. I was going to do an IV push through an IID (Intermittent Infusion Device - or IV with no tubes attached to it) but the AdminRx had problems with it so I wasn't able to give it, but I did flush the IID with saline.

I have studied for my IV competency test that is tomorrow at 1:15 PM. I will have a little more time to study before the comp. I have been working on organizing and printing things I need to study for my next exam. It is sure hard to study in a house with 4 kids ... I'm thinking the library needs to stay open 24/7 just so I can study in quiet. I don't see that happening though.

I talked to 3 of my friends in text messages today. I don't know what I would do without my friends, besides my husband, they are my biggest support and source of encouragement!

I hope you have a great, glorious, and blessed week!

God Is Up To Something

2008-09-05T13:08:00.003-05:00

God really worked on me last night. I have been trying very hard to make time to read my Bible before I go to bed, and when I do that, I can hear the voice of God so much better. He wanted me to reach out to some of my friends today, and so I did. I just pray that they will have an open mind, and a soft heart, and really listen to what God is saying, not what I said, but what HE said.

Please God I beg you to work in this situation. I know you have tried over and over again, and I praise you for that, and I know that they keep getting in your way. Lord I pray that they will get out of your way so that you can do your will in their lives. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Oh Crappy Day

2008-09-04T23:21:00.002-05:00

Today was a bad day for me. Today I said all the wrong things, did all the wrong things, and seemed to make everybody mad. I did not intend to do this, but I did it none the less. Seems like I just have those days where I open my mouth and insert my foot. It takes a lot of water to get that foot down too, let me tell ya.

I did somehow manage to squeeze in some homework and take an online test in Medical Terminology and make a 98 on it ... YAY ME! But I am feeling really bad that I hurt a friend. I apologized, but I'm not sure it did any good.

An Interesting Day

2008-09-02T17:08:00.006-05:00

Today in clinical I had a blast ... no really, I was so scared but my teacher was there to help me with everything, and when I went to another department, the nurse there walked us through everything we did.

I gave two sub-Q shots in the belly. I de-accessed two central venous ports, and flushed one with normal saline and heparinized saline. I stopped an IV pump, I took two blood pressures, and I documented it all using the Admin RX system and the computer.

I watched people getting their chemotherapy, and that was the two ports I de-accessed. I watched a new needle and tubing get put into a central venous port. I had a really good day!

Then as I was coming home, my husband informed me that my son's glucose monitor was stolen at school, along with his books and homework, and he spent half the day looking for it and trying to get a new monitor. I just pray that the boy that broke his nose did have anything to do with its disappearance, because he was close by when it went missing. I can't believe anyone would be so mean as to steal a diabetics monitor, that is his lifeline literally, it had all of his insulin in it that he needs everyday. Now I am out a bottle of insulin. That stuff isn't cheap!

I just pray that whoever got it, got it by accident and will return it. He was able to get a new monitor, but still, I hope someone did not deliberately take it to cause my son harm.

WOW!

2008-08-31T21:47:00.003-05:00

Tonight we heard a service about complaining. It was REALLY good. I know I needed to hear it. Not sure who has been complaining about their Sunday school class ... My Sunday school class is AWESOME, and we have awesome Deacons, Teachers, and Ministers at my church.

I know I drink the Cherry Limeade a lot ... (It was in the sermon ... had to be there). And sometimes we get tired of drinking the cherry limeade and are human and complain about it. Luckily we have forgiveness from our Father in Heaven, and hopefully from our Brothers and Sisters in Christ too.

Have a great, glorious, and blessed evening!

Blog Soup

2008-08-27T21:52:00.004-05:00

Tonight's service was awesome, we got into small groups and prayed for our church leaders and for our government leaders. I love prayer services, I am very big on praying for others. I believe that is when God moves the most is when we are praying for people other than ourselves.

I got to thinking ... Ever notice how we all like to point out other people's sins and somehow try to say they are worse than our own? For example, say someone commits adultery, you will hear people gasp and oooh and awww and say how bad that is, but then they totally dismiss their own sins as though they are "better" because it wasn't adultery ... and I'm just using that as an example. It could be lying or judging another, or any sin for that matter.

I don't know why we do that, I suppose due to the guilt of our own sins, we have to find someone "worse" than ourselves to make us feel better. This is one area I am going to try and work on in myself because God says if we break one commandment, we break them all, and all sin is detestable to him regardless if it is murder, adultery, or stealing a dime from your momma'a purse. We need to remember that we are all saved from the same blood of Jesus Christ. He died for my sins just like he died for yours.

I have been having a lot on my heart and mind lately. I have friends that have gone through a lot and in need of prayer and support. Another couple we are friends with are about to be seperated beyond their control and will need lots of prayer and support. I feel like as a church family we need to stay on top of the needs of our people and give them as much love and support as we can because each person is part of the body of Christ, and each person is important.

God is moving and I want to be where HE is doing HIS work. I pray that you will have a great, glorious, and blessed week.

Find Out Who Your Friends Are

2008-08-25T14:58:00.006-05:00

This is one of my favorite songs. Matter of fact, it is the ringtone for when my best friend calls me because even if it is just a text message, I know she is there and I know she would help me any way she could. You can think you have a lot of friends, but you figure out real quick who is a friend and who isn't just by going through some hard times. This song says it all.

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare
This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don't lie

{Chorus}You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?'
or it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your back
wants to shake your hand
when you're up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way
then you slide back down look up and see who's around then
This ain't where the road comes to an end
This ain't where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

{Chorus}

When the water's high
When the weather's not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there?

{Chorus}

You find out who your friends are(yeah, yeah)You find out who your friends are

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
(Well man, I've been there)
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare
(Man, I've been there)Man, I've been there
Oooh yeah.

Praise The Lord

2008-08-21T20:01:00.001-05:00

After a couple of years worrying about my multi-nodular goiter, my ultrasound shows that the nodules have gotten smaller, so for now I have escaped having to have a biopsy ... Praise God!

So Far So Good

2008-08-19T21:40:00.003-05:00

God has already answered two of my prayers this week, both on Monday. I released everything to him and now that I am out of the way, he is working on it. I may have a third answered prayer by the end of the week!!!!

I am still waiting to hear about my thyroid ultrasound. I am really not wanting to have a needle stuck in my neck ... haven't you heard that nurses and doctors make the worse patients? Yeah, that's me, a nurse in training and I am the WORST patient. I want vercet if they do the biopsy, that's the only way to go ... to Lala land, Ha ha!

I am busy-busy-busy this week with school. We are learning how to do IV's very first thing ... It's exciting but a bit scary at the same time. I have had bad experiences with IV's myself, and you have to "practice" in order to get good, but I don't want to practice on a real person :-(

I probably won't post as often as I did over the summer due to my busy schedule, but I will update as soon as God moves my mountain! Have a great, glorious, and blessed week!

Prayer Requests

2008-08-18T06:24:00.002-05:00

I am having a thyroid ultrasound this afternoon to check on the multi-nodular goiter that I have. I am asking for prayer because if any part of that goiter is over 1.5 cm then I have to have a biopsy guided by another ultrasound.
We may have to uproot our family to another town, to another church, and my husband may have to get another job to escape what we are dealing with. Please pray that God will lead us where he wants us, or heal the situation so that we can stay where we are.
Today is my first day back to college. Please pray that I can hold on to the information I read and hear, and that I won't be overly stressed.
Please pray that I can keep my eyes on God during this trying time, and not let Satan destroy my faith.

Thank you so much, and have a great, glorious, and blessed day.